How I Feel
by Werewolves are People Too
Summary: Conan was spending time in Osaka with Heiji, when they got into a fight. And before Conan could do anything, Heiji was attacked, drugged, and kidnapped off the street. And his attacker wants a ransom. The only way to get Heiji back: kill Kudou
1. You Don't Know

_Don't own Case Closed. Never have, never will._

**How I Feel**

**Chapter the first: You Don't Know**

Conan drummed his fingers on the table impatiently as he waited. He sighed and rested his head in one hand let his eyes wander around the crowded restaurant. A tall man with a shaggy beard and small, beady eyes caught his gaze. He looked away quickly.

Conan was no ordinary eight year old. He was actually high school detective Kudou Shinichi. He was force-fed a poison that made him shrink to child size.

He searched around the room and saw a woman with small glasses and blond hair held up in a messy bun sitting alone at the bar, glasses on her face and chewing on the eraser of her pencil. Another man was frantically throwing papers over his shoulder, searching for his pen, which was situated neatly behind his ear.

He glanced out of the corner of his round blue eyes toward the bearded man again and then averted his gaze to the door. The bell jingled merrily, alerting the owner of a new customer. He grinned lopsidedly and motioned for Heiji to sit across from him. He slid into the booth and smiled.

"How's it going Kudou?" he asked jovially.

"You're late Hattori," Conan said shaking his head.

"Oh whine about it why don't you! Get over it," he rolled his eyes. Conan's own eyes glittered with laughter.

"So where are the girls?" Conan asked.

"I have no idea actually," Heiji said, reclining in the booth. The bell jingled again and Kazuha and Ran entered, chatting animatedly and giggling.

"Heiji!" Ran called. He waved.

"Hi Ran," he said, scooting over to make room. Kazuha sat next to him and grinned.

"Hi Ran-neechan!" Conan exclaimed.

"Hello Conan-kun," she greeted with a smile, ruffling his hair. He blushed and flattened his hair back to his head.

"Did you have fun in Tokyo, Kazuha?" Heiji asked.

"Yes," she replied absently. She was staring off into space. Heiji waved his hand in front of her face, but she didn't even blink.

"What about you, Conan-kun? Did you have fun spending time with Heiji in Osaka?" Ran asked curiously.

"Yeah it was a real blast," Conan said unenthusiastically.

"Brat," Heiji muttered.

"Moron," Conan grumbled.

"What happened?" Ran asked.

"He dropped me off at a kiddy center," Conan scowled.

"I told you I had to go to the station!" Heiji objected.

"But a _kiddy center_?! Couldn't you have locked me in a closet or something?" Conan asked.

"Kids go to kid centers," Ran said.

"But he didn't even pick me up! I walked here," Conan complained.

"You didn't wait for me!"

"You were an hour late!"

"Okay, okay, calm down," Ran tried.

"No, he's a jerk and he left me there on purpose!" Conan snarled.

"You baby!" Heiji snapped. "Get over it! It was a mistake, okay? Stop acting like a child!"

"I – You – Ugh! I give up!" Conan snarled, slamming his fist on the table. He left the booth angrily and stormed out, slamming the door behind him and knocking the cheerful bell onto the floor.

"Brat," Heiji grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Heiji, he seems really upset," Ran said.

"So?" he asked.

"So? I think you owe him an apology," Ran said.

"I don't," he said stubbornly.

"Kazuha, help me here!" Ran said.

"Don't drag me into this," she said, taking a sip of her water. "I don't want to be in the middle."

"Look if you want me to apologize to the little twerp, I will but I don't know how this whole thing started," Heiji said, clueless.

"Did you leave him at the day care?" Ran asked.

"I forgot!" Heiji said exasperatedly.

"Well then just apologize for forgetting," Kazuha suggested.

"I'll go get him. I don't want him to get too far, it's getting dark," Ran said, getting up. Heiji shook his head and slid out of the booth.

"No I'll get him," he sighed. He left the restaurant and headed toward the direction that Conan went. It didn't take long to find him. He was sitting on a bench in the nearby park, watching a few soccer players in uniform kick around the ball. Heiji assumed they had just finished a practice. He walked up behind the bench and leaned on it, resting his arms on the top.

"Hey Kudou," he said. Shinichi ignored him. "Come on, it was a mistake, I didn't know I was going to have to stay late."

"You shouldn't have left me there at all." Shinichi said angrily, not looking at Heiji.

"I know, I know. But they said I couldn't bring a kid to a crime scene," Heiji said.

"That never stopped you before. Plus, I'm not a kid!" Shinichi snapped.

"But you look like one."

"Do you think I want to look like this?!" Conan snarled furiously. "It wasn't my choice you know! I'm eighteen freaking years old! I don't want to look like a freaking eight year old!"

"We're trying to find those guys but there isn't anything that we can do until we find them. They could be anywhere," Heiji said. "I know this is hard for you, but –"

"No! Don't even say you know how I feel because you don't," Shinichi said, glaring at him. "You say you know how it is, but you'll never know unless it's happened to you. I'm supposed to be in high school, not elementary school! I'll probably never be in my body again. I'll be Conan forever. It isn't fair. Ran doesn't want an eight year old. She wants someone her own age. But the boy she loves is dead. You're nemesis is dead. Shinichi Kudou is dead. And he's never coming back."

With that, Conan slid off the bench and started walking away. Heiji watched him for a while, thinking. Then he followed. The sky had turned dark, and the streetlights had come on. He caught up with his friend and tried to talk to him.

"Come on Shinichi, we'll get you back to your own body. I'll do whatever I can to get those guys in black," Heiji said.

"Don't even bother," Conan muttered.

"But Kudou –," Heiji started, surprised.

"I said it doesn't matter. Kudou's dead. I'm just Conan," he said.

"Fine, just blow off some steam. We'll get you a goodnight's sleep and you'll be fine by tomorrow," Heiji said. "Let me take you home."

"I can find my way. You go, I'm going to just wander for a while," Conan said quietly.

"You shouldn't walk alone in the dark," Heiji said.

"I can take care of myself," Conan replied.

"But you don't have anyway to protect yourself if someone tries to kidnap you," Heiji said.

"Just leave me alone Hattori!" Conan snapped angrily.

"Fine Kudou, but don't come crying to me when you're in trouble," Heiji growled, turning on his heel and heading the other way. He grumbled furiously under his breath and heading towards the restaurant to pick up Kazuha and Ran. But then, he was attacked from behind.

Something hard, a metal pipe most likely, slammed into his back. He stumbled, gritting his teeth. He started to fall foreword, but someone caught him by the sweatshirt and flung him backwards. He landed hard on his back. His attacker took the front of his shirt and yanked him up to his feet. Then, the attacker punched him hard in the face, sending him flying back to the ground. He was pulled back to his feet roughly and an arm snaked around his chest, trapping his arms. A thick cloth was shoved into his mouth, choking him. His eye was beginning to swell and his nose was bleeding. Successfully gagged and helpless, his attacker smiled.

"You were so worried about the kid you forgot to worry about yourself," the unknown person breathed in his ear.

Heiji let out a muffled protest and tried to twist away, but the attacker just laughed and held strong.

"Don't try to squirm kid, you'll just make it worse for you," the man chuckled lowly. Heiji paused, but kept trying to get away. There was a sharp pain in the back of his neck and he drifted off into swirling blackness.

---

_REVIEW PLEASE!_


	2. But I'm Trying

**How I Feel**

**Chapter the second: But I'm Trying**

Conan entered the Kudou home well after midnight. He wanted to be alone more. He'd had his time to think, and he'd decided. He wasn't going to be a detective anymore. He wasn't going to help Mouri solve cases. He wasn't going to care. Kudou Shinichi was dead. He accepted that. He went and sat on the couch in the living room and eventually fell into a deep sleep.

---

"What?! What do you mean you quit the detective league?!" Genta shouted.

"You can't quit the Junior Detective League, Conan!" Ayumi exclaimed.

"But I do. Sorry you guys," he said in a monotone voice. He turned and started to walk away.

"Conan, you can't just leave us," Mitsuhiko said. "Tell us why."

"I just don't want to be a detective anymore, okay? Just leave me alone," he grumbled, walking away and sitting by himself. He didn't speak to anyone else. He didn't raise his hand to answer questions, and he didn't chant his times tables with everyone else. He sat alone on a bench at recess and watched the other children laugh and play, as though they hadn't a care in the word. When he returned home, Ran greeted him worriedly.

"Conan-kun!" she shrieked, hugging him tightly. "Thank God you're okay! I was so worried!"

"Sorry Ran-neechan," he whispered insincerely. She pulled away and looked at him concernedly.

"What's the matter Conan-kun?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said.

"No, no something's wrong, I can tell," she said. "What happened to you, Conan-kun?"

"Nothing happened. I was just on a walk," he said.

"A walk all night? What about Heiji, you were with him weren't you?" she asked.

"I was but then I told him to leave. I don't know where he is now," Conan said, not caring.

"What? You mean you were alone?" Ran shrieked.

"Yeah," Conan said. "I just wanted some time."

"Heiji left you alone? I thought he was going to apologize," Ran said.

"He did. But he didn't leave me alone, I left him alone," Conan said.

"I'll go call him. Why don't you go and play with your little friends?" Ran suggested.

"I don't have friends," he said simply, going into his bedroom and closed the door behind him. Ran almost dropped the telephone. What was wrong with her bright, happy little friend?

--- One Week Later ---

Kazuha tapped her fingers idly on the desk at the Tokyo police department, waiting for her father to come out of the meeting he was currently in. She had to admit, it was quite boring in a police station. The phone rang. She ignored it. It kept ringing and ringing...and ringing... and it was getting annoying. Looking around, she saw no one, so she picked up the phone and held it to her ear.

"Umm...hello?" she said.

"Kazuha?" Ran's voice asked confusedly. "Since when do you work at the police station?"

"I don't but no one's around so I answered. What's wrong?" Kazuha asked.

"Have you heard from Heiji? Conan-kun said that he was with him, but then left and he has no clue where Heiji is now. I'm worried, I can't get a hold of Heiji and Conan-kun is acting oddly," Ran said, sounding nervous and maybe frightened.

"No I haven't heard from him. I thought he was with you," Kazuha said. Her father entered from the door to the right, along with Heiji's.

"Come, Kazuha," he beckoned. She nodded.

"Sorry, Ran. I have to go. I'll call you later," she said. "Bye."

"Kazuha, you know that police lines aren't for your own private conversations with your friends!" Mr. Toyama scolded.

"Ran called looking for Heiji. He's gone missing, do you know where he is?" she asked.

"Heiji's missing?" Mr. Hattori asked.

"Ran said that he was with Conan but then Conan left and no one has seen Heiji since," Kazuha said. "You don't think something happened do you?"

"Well, he's a smart boy," Mr. Toyama started.

"He might've gone back to Osaka. We'll fly back and see if he's there," Mr. Hattori said.

"What if he isn't?" Kazuha asked.

"We'll tell Mouri to keep an eye out around Tokyo for him," Mr. Toyama said. "But now we have to go."

"But what if something terrible happened?" Kazuha asked.

---

"I don't want to go to school Ran-neechan!" Conan cried. She frowned.

"Conan-kun, you're acting very strangely," she said. "What happened to you? Now get up, put on your clothes and go to school! You used to love going to school!"

"But not now! Now I'm a normal eight year old and I don't want to go!" he protested, burying his face in the pillow.

"Is that it? You want to be like everyone else?" she asked.

"I am like everyone else," he mumbled, drifting in and out of sleep.

"But you used to be unique! What happened to my happy little boy who loved school?" she asked. He looked at her.

"I don't want to be different anymore," he whispered.

"Why not?" she asked quietly.

"Because I remind you of Shinichi. And Shinichi's not coming back," he whispered, turning over.

"What do you mean Shinichi isn't coming back?" she asked. "Conan-kun, answer me!" she demanded, flipping him over to face her.

"Dr. Agasa said he wasn't coming back. He said that he went to America and that he was staying there," Conan lied expertly.

"He wouldn't do that," Ran said. "I know Shinichi, he wouldn't do that."

"Maybe there's something about him he doesn't want you to know. That's why he left. He knows that if you found out you wouldn't like him anymore," Conan said.

"But that doesn't matter to me. I'd love Shinichi no matter what, he should know that," Ran said. "I'll tell Dr. Agasa to tell him now –," she started, but she was cut off when the phone rang. She stood up and headed out towards the kitchen to answer it. Conan followed, curious to see who would call so early in the morning. Conan got there first and pressed the speaker button.

"Mouri residence," Ran said, looking at Conan suspiciously. The eerie sound of heavy, labored breathing filled the room. Kogoro looked up from the couch and watched and listened interestedly. There was the sound of footsteps and a loud _thud _noise, followed by a gasp of pain and indistinguishable muttered words. There was a weak cough.

"Hello, is anyone there?" Ran asked.

"It's Heiji," his voice sounded weakly through the room.

"Heiji? What's wrong? Where have you been for the last week? Kazuha's worried sick!" Ran said.

"I haven't been home," he replied, his voice cracking. Conan stared blankly at the machine.

"What's going on, Heiji?" Ran asked.

"I was attacked," he started dizzily. "And now I don't know where I am."

"Attacked?!" Kogoro yelped. "Hattori, what happened exactly?"

"I don't really know," Heiji said, sounding like he'd pass out any second. Conan licked his lips nervously and didn't say anything. "All I know is that I was attacked from behind...and I keep feeling a weird...sort of pinches...like a needle or something...in my neck...and I'm really tired..." he said, drifting in and out of a half-sleep.

"Stay awake, Heiji," Kogoro said urgently, suddenly sober. "Why did you call?"

"Didn't...tied up..." he said vaguely. "Can't remember..."

"Heiji!" Ran cried. There was the sound of the phone shifting. A new voice, being disguised, sounded through the room.

"If you want your little friend to stay alive, you better listen and listen well," it said.

"What do you want?" Kogoro asked.

"We want Kudou," the voice said.

"What?" Ran asked. "Why?"

"We have a score to settle. We'll keep in touch. Say goodbye to your little friend," if they were in the same room, they'd see his evil smirk. There was a shift again and Heiji breathed tiredly into the receiver.

"Heiji," Ran said quietly.

"Ran," he whispered.

"What is it, Heiji?" she asked.

"If you s-see Kudou," he started tiredly. "Tell him – I'm sorry."

---

**Sanna** **-** You want the end already? It's only the second chapter!

**Lyn Jarewo Wors - **lol nice vocab

**kristanite - **Why thank you

**Angie Child - **I love Heiji fics too!

**Moomoomoody - **Jeez have a cow! (laughs loudly) get it? do ya? cuz you're moomoomoody...(crickets chirp) yeah. well i updated


	3. You Know It'll Be Hard

**How I Feel**

**Chapter the third: You Know It'll Be Hard**

The phone went dead. The dial tone echoed through the room. Conan stood up and went to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. He threw open the closet and got dressed. He adjusted his bowtie and clipped on his watch.

'_I swore I'd never do it again.'_ He thought to himself. _'But I won't let anyone get hurt because of me.'_

He slid on his shoes and replaced his glasses on his face and adjusted his sleeves. He stood strait and determined and walked out into the kitchen. The police where there, and they were listening to a recording of the phone call. Conan stood in the hallway, listening intently. The kidnappers knew their job; there were no sounds, no clues to where they could be. So he'd just have to go and find Heiji on his own.

"Where do you think you're going?" Ran asked.

"Out," he said.

"Out where?" she asked.

"To find Heiji," he answered. He was startled when Ran pulled him into a tight hug and he felt her tears soaking into his shirt.

"Oh Conan-kun," she whispered. She sniffed loudly and sobbed. "This must be horrible for you. But we'll find him, Conan-kun. I promise."

"I know," he said. "But I'm going to find him."

"Conan-kun," she started.

"No. Tell the police to leave. Shinichi's turning himself in."

He left.

Ran stayed on her knees, staring at the open door which Conan just left. He was acting so strangely. First it was as if he didn't care about anything, now he was acting like he was going to find Shinichi and save Heiji himself.

Ran was stuck. She loved Heiji, as one of her best friends. She didn't want anything to happen to him. But then, she loved Shinichi. She _really_ loved Shinichi. But Shinichi was Heiji's ransom. She didn't know who to save. She didn't know what to do. If Shinichi turned himself in, she'd get her friend back, but the boy she loved would be killed or hurt. This was a terrible, horrible situation. She had these to worry about, as well as Conan.

"Dad," she called, getting to her feet. He looked over.

"Ran?" he asked.

"Conan-kun left," she said. "I'm afraid he went looking for Heiji."

"What's he going to do? I mean he's just a little kid," Kogoro said.

"But what if he finds them and gets hurt," she said.

"He won't. We don't have any clues onto where Hattori is being held," her father replied calmly.

"You know Conan-kun always gets into things he shouldn't," Ran said.

"Yeah," Kogoro grunted.

"He said he was going to find Shinichi and turn him in," she said.

"He went to find Kudou?" Inspector Megure asked.

"He said, 'Tell the police to leave, Shinichi's turning himself in.' I'm worried. I don't know what to do," she said.

"Don't worry, we'll get Hattori, and make sure nothing happens to Kudou. There's nothing to be worried about," Inspector Megure said.

'_Where do I start? Where do I start?'_ Shinichi thought to himself. He was wandering around the streets, trying to figure out how to find Heiji. He only knew a little bit about what happened to Heiji.

One, he was attacked from behind, sometime around midnight a week before. About the time he'd gotten mad after trying to lecture him.

Two, whoever kidnapped him was clever. Judging by the fact his words were slurred and he sounded as though he were almost sleeping, and he said something about a needle like prick in his neck, it was safe to say that they were keeping him drugged. But why would they do that? Why would they kidnap Heiji if they wanted Shinichi? And why would they drug him?

He was lost in thought and didn't notice he'd wandered into school grounds. The kids were all laughing and playing, not a care in the world. He envied them against his will. He ran away quickly before anyone saw him.

Later that night, he entered the Mouri apartment. Ran didn't even scold him for being late. She was awake, sitting on the couch with her father, watching the news. There was a special on the latest Yoko Okino movie being showed. He went and sat next to her.

"Maybe you should try to sleep, Conan-kun," she whispered. He shook his head, taking a deep breath.

"I won't be able to," he said. She nodded.

"I understand. Come here," she said, patting her lap. He crawled over and snuggled up to her in a childlike way.

"Thanks Ran-neechan," he whispered.

"It must be so hard for you," she whispered back. "You had a fight with him, and now he's been kidnapped."

"I feel terrible," he said.

"It'll be okay, Conan-kun. Heiji will be okay," she told him.

The phone rang.

Kogoro looked up. Ran and Conan stared at the insistently ringing telephone. Ran reached out shakily and pressed the speaker button.

"M-Mouri Detective Agency," she said. There was a low grunt and a click.

"Ran..." Heiji's voice whispered.

"Oh thank God you're alive, Heiji!" she cried. "Are you okay?"

"Pretty – kinda – don't know," he slurred. "Dizzy."

'_I was right,'_ Shinichi thought grimly. _'They are keeping him drugged.' _

"What's happening? What are they doing to you?" Kogoro asked.

"No small talk. He's alive, for now," the disguised kidnapper's voice snapped. "He's fine, he's healthy. But all that can change, quickly."

"What do you want?" Ran asked.

"We told you already. We want Kudou. Tell him to go to the museum at midnight tonight. Tell him to sneak in and wait for us on the fourth floor. Don't worry about security or alarms or cameras. They'll be taken care of. But if he's not there, Hattori's going to have a little, shall we say, accident," the kidnapper said, laughing sickeningly. Ran looked down at Conan. He stared down at his hands, thinking quickly. What choice did he have? Either he died or Heiji died. But he wasn't Shinichi, he was Conan. And Conan was stuck.

"We – we don't know where Shinichi is," Ran stuttered.

"Oh, that's so sad for you. If you don't find him, and he's not at museum tonight, you're going to have a dead body on your hands. We can promise you that. Say goodbye," the kidnapper said. There was a shift and Heiji breathed slowly into the receiver.

"Heiji?" Ran whispered.

"Where – Kazuha?" Heiji slurred.

"She's at home, in Osaka. They're looking for you everywhere. You've got to hold on, Heiji," Ran sniffed. "You're father is worried sick. And Kazuha is scared. You have to hang in there, for them."

"P – Please," Heiji stuttered.

"What is it, Hattori?" Kogoro asked gently.

"If I don't –," he started. He gasped audibly in pain then groaned.

"If you don't what?" Ran asked.

"Live," Heiji whispered.

"You're not going to die," she said.

"If I die – tell Kazuha," he whispered. "'Love her."

"You can tell her yourself, Heiji," Ran whispered, tears forming in her eyes. "She wants to hear it from you."

"Want her to –," a groan, "Going to –" he wasn't finishing sentences. They must have injected another drug into him. There was a loud click and the line went dead.

"I'll call the Inspector," Kogoro broke the silence. He dialed the number. Conan slid off Ran's lap and went into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Kogoro finished talking and hung up the phone.

"What did they say?" Ran asked quietly.

"He said the police force is doing their best to find Kudou, but they haven't had any luck. Kudou disappeared and they don't have any way of finding him," her father replied.

"So now we have to missing detectives," Ran whispered.

"That's what it looks like," Kogoro said gravely.

"Poor Conan-kun," she whispered. "He was fighting with Heiji before he was kidnapped, and he feels guilty because he's so much like Shinichi. I don't know what to do, I feel horrible."

"The kid's smart. He'll be okay," Kogoro said.

"I don't know dad," she whispered. "I don't know if he can get through this one. He tries to act tough, but I know he isn't strong enough for this one. And he won't accept help."

"Let's just hope he doesn't try anything stupid," Kogoro said. The front door opened and slammed. They exchanged a glance then ran to the window and looked down. Conan, a backpack slung over one shoulder, was running away from the apartment. Away from Ran, away from Kogoro. Away from what he used to know.

---


	4. Harder than I Thought

**How I Feel**

**Chapter the fourth: Harder than I Thought**

"Conan-kun, stop!" Ran shrieked. But he kept running. He just kept running. He ignored the calls and screams of Ran as she hurried after him. He slipped away into the shadows and made his way to Agasa's house. He climbed up over the stone wall with much difficulty, flipped over the top and let out a startled cry as he went flying over the side and landed hard on the ground.

He got up quickly and sneaked into the house. It was empty, and dark. He tiptoed through the halls until he reached Agasa's lab. He wasn't there.

'_Where is he?'_ Shinichi wondered. Not that it mattered. All he needed was a plan, that's what he came for. He wandered around the lab, looking for anything that would help him against those kidnappers. If they could overpower Heiji, great Detective of the West and Kendo champ, Shinichi as an eight year old didn't stand a chance.

Something strange caught his eye. It was a metal case, small and black. It had a lock on it, keeping its contents away from curious eyes. His curiosity got the better of him and he picked the lock. There was an audible clicking sound and the lock opened and fell to the ground.

He opened the small, black case and peered inside. On top was a piece of paper. He unfolded it and read:

_APTX 4869 test / possible cure / not tested_

He looked into the case and saw two small pills. He took them in his hands and examined them carefully. He looked around to see if anyone was there, then shoved the two pills in his mouth and swallowed hard. He took a deep breath as his heart missed a beat and his skin began to get hot. He panted hard and fell to his hands and knees. He passed out.

---

When he awoke, he found himself lying naked on the floor of the lab, shreds of Conan's clothes around him. He was back to normal. He sat up quickly and looked around. No one had found him. He found some of his old clothes in Agasa's guest bedroom and got dressed. The jeans were faded, the sweatshirt was baggy, and his shoes were torn, but it would have to do. He zipped up the sweatshirt and took a deep breath. It was almost eleven o'clock. It was now, or it was never.

He snuck back out of the house and made his way down the street as quietly as possible. By the time he made it to the museum, it was half past eleven. He was early. He checked over his shoulders quickly, then crept up the entrance stairs and picked the lock on the door. He opened the door widely, inwardly wincing as it creaked eerily. The sound echoed through the dark lobby of the building. It was too quiet.

Shinichi held the sweatshirt closer to himself as he got chills down his spine. His footsteps echoed loudly through the rooms as he made his way to the fourth floor. When he arrived, he almost cried out in alarm as he came face to face with a gruesome painting. He winced and moved away. There was a sign he could just read poised above the door. It read: _The Death Chamber._

'_Of course,'_ he thought, slightly frightened although he'd never admit it. He shivered involuntarily as he saw the bloody and gory paintings and statues surrounding him. He closed his eyes tightly and took a low breath, trying to calm himself.

"Welcome, Shinichi Kudou," a voice echoed through the Death Chamber. He spun around and looked around wildly.

"Who's there?" he asked aloud, thanking himself for not letting his voice waver. The lights clicked on, illuminating the whole room. He gulped.

"Thought you'd never come," the voice said again. He turned. There was a man standing there, face hidden, standing behind a chair. In the chair, Heiji slumped foreword, pale and unconscious.

"What did you do to him?" Shinichi asked.

"Nothing incurable. Now that you're here I'm sure he'll be fine. If you cooperate, that is," the mystery man said.

"What do I have to do? You said you'd let him go if I came, just leave him alone!" Shinichi said desperately.

"Do as we say. Stand right there. Don't move or your friend dies," a woman's voice said from behind him. To prove it, the man grasped Heiji's hair and pulled his head up, so Shinichi could see his face, then brought out a sharp pocketknife and held it to his throat. Shinichi stood perfectly still. The woman stepped in front of him, but a mask hid her face as well. She grabbed his wrists and tied them in front of him.

"Good so far," the man said. "Very obedient."

"It's amazing what people will do after you threaten them a little," the woman said with an evil smile. The man came over and grabbed Shinichi by the shirtfront. He brought him up so their noses were almost touching.

"You've caused us a lot of trouble you little brat," the man hissed. "You were supposed to die. How did you live?"

"I don't – I don't know," he stuttered.

"He doesn't know?" the woman scoffed. "Right. Well I'm going to call the boss. If he wont answer, beat it out of him." She waved her hand carelessly and left the room. Shinichi was thrown roughly to the floor as he was punched in the face. He could feel his lip split and his blood dripped onto the floor in front of him. He got on his hands and knees and tried to push himself up, but was kicked solidly in the stomach, sending him flying.

He received more kicks to the stomach. He curled himself up into a ball, covering his face with his arms, trying in vain to protect himself. The man picked flipped him onto his back and pinned his bound wrists over his head, straddling the terrified boy's waist.

"Do you remember now, kid?" he spat. Shinichi coughed, choking on blood.

"Please," he gasped. "I don't know!"

"You're going to wish you did," the man growled. He continued the brutal beating, pummeling Shinichi's chest, stomach and face with powerful blows. It was more pain than he'd ever felt. The man gripped his waist and yanked him to his unsteady feet, slamming him against the wall.

"Any last words?" he asked evilly.

"Please –," he coughed weakly. "Let He-Heiji leave. Don't kill him."

"Of course," the man said. "You're friend will get away unscathed." He then threw Shinichi across the floor, sending him flying and hitting the chair Heiji was bound to. The chair crashed to the floor next to him and he lay motionless, staring at Heiji's pale face. His friend's eyes fluttered open and their gazes met.

"Run," Heiji whispered almost inaudibly.

"I can't," Shinichi whispered back.

"You have to. Don't worry about me, I'll get out alive," Heiji reasoned quietly. "Go."

Shinichi nodded slowly. He sat up as best he could and started inching away. The man looked at him with an amused smile on his face.

"Where are you going, Kudou?" he asked. Shinichi still inched away. His back hit the wall and he stood up slightly unsteadily. The man picked up the chair and pulled something out of his pocket. The kidnapper held the knife to Heiji's throat.

"Make one move and he dies," he threatened. Shinichi froze at the doorway.

"Go!" Heiji croaked. Shinichi nodded and ran. He tried to ignore the sharp scream of pain come from the Death Chamber as he ran down the stairs. He got a sudden burst of energy rush through his weak, beaten body as he felt the urge to save Heiji's life. He ran as fast as he could, knocking over the woman as he rushed out of the museum. His vision was blurring from blood loss. The woman shrieked in rage and he could hear her angry cries of; "He's escaping! Stop him, he's escaping!" following him out of the open doors.

His rush of adrenalin lasted until he got to the outside of the Mouri apartment building. He stumbled through the door and up the stairs to their front door. He used his bound hands to knock urgently on the front door. His vision blurred in and out as he waited for someone to open the door. The digital clock on the hall outside told him it was two o'clock in the morning. He'd made it out alive. But Heiji was still in there. He swayed dangerously on his feet, his vision fading. He could hear police officers talking from inside. He knocked again. The voices stopped and he heard footsteps coming towards the door. It opened and he saw the faint outline of Ran standing in front of him.

"I couldn't save him," he whispered. "I was – too late..." And with those words, he collapsed into her arms, out cold.

---

Ran gasped as she saw her bloody and beaten friend that had been missing for almost two years standing in her doorway. He was covered in blood. The blood dripped steadily onto the floor in front of their apartment. His wrists were bound together in front of him. All eyes of the policemen were on them, standing just as shocked as she was. Shinichi swayed dangerously, his eyes glazing over. Her own eyes filled with tears.

"I couldn't save him," Shinichi said quietly. Ran stared, horrified. "I was – too late..." he whispered. Then, his knees buckled and he fell foreword. She caught him, staggering backward under his weight. His eyes were closed. Two policemen rushed over and lifted Shinichi up, setting him gently on the couch.

"Call a doctor!" Inspector Megure shouted. Ran knelt down next to the couch and cupped Shinichi's face in her hands.

"Shinichi? Shinichi wake up," she whispered. He moaned quietly and his eye twitched. She rubbed his face, prodding him to wake up. His eyes fluttered open. He gazed at her tiredly.

"I couldn't save him," he whispered.

"What?" Kogoro asked. "What's he saying?" That got Inspector Megure's attention. They crowded around and waited for an explanation.

"What happened Shinichi? Who did this to you?" Ran asked.

"Went to museum," he said. "Chamber of Death..."

"Someone go down there, surround the area, they can't have gone far!" Megure shouted. Ambulance sirens sounded in the distance. Half the policemen ran out of the apartment headed towards the museum.

"I tried – I couldn't –," Shinichi stuttered. "He said – I tried –"

"It's okay, calm down," Ran cooed. "Everything's fine, you're safe now."

"Heiji," Shinichi said. "He was there, and –," Shinichi made a strangled noise from the back of his throat. "They're killing him!"

"He'll be okay. They went to find him; everything will be all right," Ran whispered in his ear.

"He was screaming and – I couldn't stop them –," he cried.

"He's having a breakdown," Megure muttered. Two ambulance workers rushed in and hooked him to a stretcher. Ran followed them.

"Please, let me stay with him!" she begged.

"You'll see him later," the man said.

"Ran!" she heard Shinichi cry out to her. But her father held her back. The ambulance drove away with Shinichi, leaving Ran staring after them.

---

Sphinx - awwww ::blush:: thank you!

Firestorm2004 - thanks for reviewing

Angie Child - I updated!


	5. You're Ready

**How I Feel**

**Chapter the fifth: You're Ready**

It was two weeks later. Shinichi had disappeared. And Conan hadn't returned either. And neither had Heiji.

Shinichi had disappeared the same day he'd appeared beaten and weak on her doorstep. Ran was frustrated and scared. She was sitting at the table at home, listening to the coffee maker. There was a knock at the door. She stood up and rushed toward the door. She threw it open and looked around. Then, she looked down instinctively and saw little Conan standing there. She fell to her knees and pulled him close, hugging him tightly.

"Conan-kun?! We've been so worried!" she cried into his shoulder. He stood still and slowly wrapped his arms around her neck.

"Heiji's dead," he whispered.

"No, we don't know that Conan-kun. He could still be alive," Ran said.

"He is dead," Conan said.

"Keep your chin up, Conan-kun. Everything will be okay."

---

"Go!" Heiji croaked. With a quick nod, Shinichi ran as fast as his legs would carry him out of the room. His kidnapper let out a growl of anger and jammed the knife into Heiji's shoulder. He screamed in agony as blood squirted onto the ground. The kidnapper ripped the knife out roughly, making him scream again. Then, the man ran from the room, following Shinichi.

After a few minutes, the man and woman returned. They removed their masks. The woman was a slender blonde, with blue eyes and long hair split in two braids. She pulled a pair of glasses out of her pocket and set them on the bridge of her nose. The man had a long, shaggy beard and beady little eyes. It was not the first time he'd seen their faces. He recognized them as the people from the diner.

"He got away. I cannot believe you let him get away!" the woman cried. She took a piece of gum out of her pocket and started chewing.

"I let him get away? You didn't do much to stop him!" the man shouted. They didn't seem to realize Heiji was still there. His blood gushed from his shoulder, running down his right arm and his hands, creating long, crimson running rivers. It was nothing compared to Shinichi's blood covering various spots in the room. He couldn't get the image of his friend being savagely beaten out of his head.

"Well he can't have gotten far, we'll get him again," the woman reasoned. "Come on, Rum. Get rid of the kid, I'll be outside," she said, lighting a cigarette. She spat her gum into her hand and shoved it into her pocket. She took a drag of her cigarette and turned to leave.

"Afraid to get your hands dirty, Martini?" the man called Rum asked.

"No. But I was assigned to this, I'd much rather be at home. So just get it done, you little baby," she snapped.

"Me-ow," he hissed. She snorted and left the room, flicking her cigarette onto the floor. Rum looked down at Heiji and smiled, eyes glittering with laughter. He sliced off the ropes with the bloody knife and shoved Heiji onto the ground. He gave him a hard kick to the gut and backed away as Heiji vomited blood all over the floor. He choked and coughed, trying to breathe again. Rum picked him up by the collar and looked him in the face.

"You want to die slow or quick?" he asked with a grin.

"Please don't kill me," Heiji whispered. He gasped as Rum's free hand traveled down his chest and squeezed his thigh.

"So you want it slow?" he asked huskily.

"Please, leave me alone," he begged. "Don't touch me!" he could feel the man's horrid breath on his face and neck. He was scared, so scared he wanted to cry. But the tears wouldn't come. Rum tugged at his jeans.

"It's too bad Kudou left you here. Too bad for you anyway," he whispered. "I've wanted to have some fun for a while now."

"Leave me ALONE!" he screamed, using all his strength to kick Rum in the groin. He was dropped hard to the ground as Rum doubled over, grasping himself in pain. Heiji crawled away quickly and hurried out of the room on unsteady feet. He raced towards the exit as fast as his legs would carry him, but he never made it to the door. Martini surprised his with a hit to the head with the hilt of a knife, seemingly coming out of nowhere. She drove the blade into his leg as he fell. He screamed out in pure torture as she dragged the knife out. He curled up in a ball as best he could and covered his face with his arms.

"You've caused way too much trouble than you're worth, kid," she grumbled. She pulled his arms away from his face and held his chin in one hand. She reached in her pocket and pulled out something he couldn't see. All he could do was stare into her eyes. The eyes of a cold-blooded killer. She shoved something into his mouth and dumped water in after. He was forced to swallow, and then she released him. He fell motionless onto the ground, hitting his head on the cool tile.

"You ruin all the fun," he heard Rum say distantly.

"I know. Just put him in the bag," Martini replied, taking a long drag from a newly lit cigarette. He felt himself be shoved into a large duffle bag, but he couldn't move. The bag was zipped and he felt himself be lifted off the ground. He was carried out the doors, passing the smell of the dead security guards on the way. His stab wounds burned like cold fire. His eyes drifted closed and he fell unconscious.

--- One Week Later ---

Conan jabbed his fork into his stack of pancakes, not really hungry. Ran sat across from him, watching.

"It isn't your fault, Conan-kun," she whispered. The search continued for Heiji and his kidnappers. The Death Chamber had been all but destroyed, the painting stained with real blood. Shinichi's blood. The statues were knocked over and broken. Fixable, yes. But for now, it was still a crime scene.

"It is my fault," Conan whispered. He pushed his plate away and walked out of the room. She sighed and picked up his plate, dumping the food into the garbage. Tears leaked out of her eyes as she turned on the faucet and scrubbed the plate clean. She cried quietly and dried the plate, setting it neatly in the cupboard. She'd lost Heiji. She'd lost Conan's happy spirit. And she'd lost Shinichi, again. But he was so weak, so helpless! How could he have disappeared like that?

He hated being little. It felt so good for the first ten minutes he was himself again. Shinichi sighed wearily. For the first ten minutes, when he was happy. Then he'd remembered Heiji and gotten serious. But he wished he could have those ten minutes back. Where he was free. Free.

Ran walked in a few minutes after him. She studied him from the doorway, then ambled over and sat next to him.

"I know this is hard for you Conan-kun," she said. "Heiji was like your big brother. And losing him must be more difficult than anything. He was taking it worse than Kazuha. Kazuha had locked herself in her room for three days, and then when she finally came out she was cheerful and upbeat. But it was all a lie. She was fading inside. And it was obvious.

Kazuha was staying with them. Ran insisted. Insisted Kazuha needed comfort. Indeed she did, but she'd never admit it. Right now, Kazuha was busying herself in Ran's bedroom, cleaning.

Later that night, when Ran had fallen asleep, Kazuha could be found in the kitchen, drowning her feelings in hot chocolate. She was crying silently, her shoulders shaking with the effort to keep silent. She didn't even notice when Conan entered the room.

"Kazuha?" he asked. She wiped her eyes quickly.

"Oh, Conan! What are you doing up?" she asked.

"I'm sorry," was all he said.

"Sorry for what?" she asked confusedly.

"I'm sorry for killing Heiji," he explained.

"No, Conan, don't say that," she said. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I –," he started, but she cut him off.

"No," she interrupted. "Don't think it's your fault. He might still be okay. In fact, he will be okay. I know he will. He had his good luck charm around his neck. It will keep him safe from danger."

Conan just nodded. He couldn't do anything else. His feet were glued to the spot. He was lost in his thoughts for a long time. Then he turned on his heel and snagged his jacket off the coat rack. He slid it on his shoulders and reached up for the doorknob.

"Conan, it's late," Kazuha said. "Where are you going?"

"A walk," he said simply.

"I don't want you to go alone. Do you mind if I join you?" she asked after a pause. He shook his head and she smiled slightly. She pulled on her jacket and followed him out into the dark street. They walked in silence for a while, just thinking about things. Then Conan stopped abruptly, startling Kazuha.

"What's the matter Conan?" she whispered.

"Do you smell that?" he asked. She sniffed. A horrid stench reached her nose, making her gag. She covered her mouth. Conan however, seemed unfazed. He headed towards where the smell was coming from. A dumpster in an alley.

"Conan, stay away from there!" she ordered. He ignored her. He climbed up and opened the dumpster, peering in. The smell grew worse. Conan cleared his throat, but didn't say anything. He reached down into the dumpster, his legs going into the air.

He gripped the object that was making the horrible smell. It was a bag. He pulled on it with all his might and it came up over the top of the dumpster, sending it falling to the ground, taking him with it. He stood up and brushed off his knees. He then reached for the zipper.

"Don't open it!" Kazuha commanded, grabbing his wrist. He looked up at her.

"What is there's something bad in there?" he asked.

"Exactly why you shouldn't open it!" she said.

"But I –," he started.

"No Conan! Let's just –," she trailed off, looking down at the bag. It shifted again.

"There's something alive in there!" Conan yelped, yanking his arm away from her grasp. He tore open the bag, revealing bloody clothes.

'_These look familiar,' _Conan thought with dread filling his stomach.

"Oh my god," Kazuha whispered. Conan moved a piece of the clothing away and got a glimpse of tanned skin.

"Ugh!" Conan exclaimed in panic.

---

PRIVATE - You're in for a surprise

DcLoVer0x - thanx 4 reviewing!

Jeva - You are also in for a surprise

Angie Child - It is getting good isn't it?

---

**_IMPORTANT!_**

Okay, after this chapter, i don't know how many people are going to still like this fic. i have an idea for the next chapters, and if you like this fic after i post those, then THANK YOU! but if you don't I understand. Please, bear with me here!

Thank you for listening to my fear of hatred

Next chapter will be up in a few days, NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!  


	6. It's Too Hard

**How I Feel**

**Chapter the sixth: It's Too Hard**

Conan gagged and vomited. Kazuha screamed.

'_No! It can't be! It can't!' _his mind screamed. He wiped his mouth and with shaking hands he pulled away at the rest of the cloth. And got an enormous surprise. Then his heart filled with pain and guilt.

Lying half unconscious inside the bag was a boy. A boy obviously from Osaka judging by skin color. His hair was black and his eyes were closed. He was swamped in clothes much too large for his small frame. His chest moved up and down, signaling he was still alive. But anyone could tell he needed medical attention. A large bruise covered the left side of his face, marring his handsome features. Blood seeped gently from a stab wound in his left shoulder. His leg was at an odd angle and that too was bleeding. The small dot on the side of his neck confirmed Conan's suspicions. The small dot from a needle injection. He was covered in old and new blood.

"Call the police, Kazuha!" Conan shouted. She nodded quickly, trying to get over her shock and dialed the number on her cell phone.

"Hello? Hello?" her voice was frantic. "Please, we found a body!" pause; "I don't know, it's a boy, eight or seven maybe," she listened again. "We're by the Teitan High School, a few buildings down, there's an alley," she paused again. "Thank you!" she hung up.

"Will they be here soon?" Conan asked. He was applying pressure to the stab wound on the boy's shoulder to stop the bleeding. Kazuha found the boy incredibly familiar.

"Yeah," she said. "Soon." He nodded.

"Can you try to stop the bleeding?" he asked, nodding his head towards the boy's broken leg. She nodded and tore a long strip off the cloth of the large shirt the boy was covered in and tied it tightly around his leg as a makeshift bandage. Police sirens rang in the distance.

"Go get the police," Conan said. Not caring she was taking orders from an eight year old; she got up and ran to stand in the street. She called out as they stopped at the high school and ran to greet them. When he was sure they were alone for the moment, he looked down at the injured child.

"Wake up," he whispered. "Come on, wake up!" the boy stirred and opened his eyes blearily. His raspy breathing was ringing in Conan's ears.

"K-Kudou?" the boy whispered. Conan squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds, holding back tears that threatened to spill out. When he opened his eyes again, the boy with the confirmed identity was staring at him.

"Just lay still, Heiji," he whispered. "Don't answer any questions they ask you."

"Why?" Heiji wondered quietly.

"Because you got the same treatment I did. And until we work this out together, don't say a word to anyone," Conan told him. Heiji nodded weakly and closed his eyes.

"Wh-where?" he muttered groggily.

"Go back to sleep, Heiji," Conan whispered. Heiji nodded slightly and drifted off again. Conan took a deep, shuddering breath. This was terrible.

---

Kazuha called out to the policemen as they pulled to a stop in front of the school. She ran foreword and motioned for them to follow her. A police officer got there first and followed her down the alley. When they got there, they saw Conan cradling the unknown child's head in his lap, whispering things to him. It broke Kazuha's heart. Even the police officer, a large muscular man with a bushy mustache, felt his heart twinge at the sight.

The officer walked up slowly and determinedly to the two boys. He knelt down and Conan looked up. Their eyes met and Conan looked away first.

"Hey kid, I'm going to take him now okay?" the officer said kindly. "I just want to help."

"Will he be okay?" Conan asked.

"I don't know. We'll get him to a doctor and we'll see okay? But you have to let go now," he said gently. Conan nodded and released his friend. The officer picked up the boy, wrapping him in the large clothing, and carried him off. Conan sat on the ground staring after him before getting to his feet and following. Kazuha grabbed his hand as he was going past.

"Do you know him, Conan?" she asked seriously. He nodded silently and went after the policeman again.

"Can I come?" he asked.

"Sorry son," the man said gravely. "But your friend has to do this on his own." Conan stopped and watched as the ambulance pulled away.

"Conan," Kazuha whispered to him as they waited in the lobby of the hospital.

"Yeah?" he asked looking up at her.

"It's almost dawn, maybe we should call Ran," she suggested.

"Ma-am," a doctor's voice interrupted. She looked up. "He's come out of surgery."

"Will he be okay?" Conan asked urgently.

"He'll be fine," the doctor assured the worried boy. "He's in room 300."

"Thanks," he said quickly, running off. Kazuha looked at the doctor.

"Will he really be okay?" she asked.

"Yes, of course. But we think he might have amnesia. He either wouldn't or couldn't answer any questions we asked. His name, his age...he just didn't seem to know," the doctor said grimly. Kazuha nodded.

"How do you think Conan will take it?" she asked. The doctor paused.

"It all depends on the relationship. 'I'm going to transfer you to a police officer now. He'd like to ask some questions," the doctor said. She nodded. A few minutes later, a man in police uniform came and sat across form her.

"Hello ma'am," he greeted. "I'm Officer Takagi Wataru. We just want you to answer a few questions, basic procedure."

"Alright," she nodded.

"What is Conan's relationship with the boy?" he asked.

"He hasn't told me. Whenever I ask him he gets quiet and wont answer," she told him.

"And what is your name?"

"Toyama Kazuha," she replied.

"And he is Toyama Conan?" the officer asked, writing notes on a clipboard.

"No, Edogawa Conan. He's staying with a friend of mine," she told him.

"Oh I see, I remember now," Takagi said. "And why were you out tonight?"

"We've been going through hard times lately. So I decided to take him out to get his mind off of things. That's when we found the little boy," Kazuha said.

"I see. Just a few more questions and we'll be all done."

---

Shinichi ran through the hospital corridors, ignoring snippy nurses and grouchy doctors. When he reached room 300, he skidded to a halt and rushed into the room. Heiji, who had been staring out the window at the rising sun, looked over as he entered. He smiled drowsily and relaxed, sinking into the blankets. His leg was in a cast and his chest was heavily bandaged. The blankets were pulled up to his shoulders.

"How are you feeling?" Conan asked.

"Tired," Heiji replied quietly.

"Have you told them anything?" Conan asked anxiously.

"No," Heiji whispered.

"Good. Thought of a name?" he asked.

"Haven't had time," he replied.

"Arthur," Conan whispered. Heiji looked at him curiously.

"Arthur? Is that American?" he asked.

"I think. I don't know all I can think of is Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. So if anyone asks, now you're Arthur, eight years old, my cousin from Osaka," Conan said quickly as he heard approaching footfalls.

"I'm tired," Heiji whispered.

"Okay. Try and get rest," Conan said softly. Heiji nodded and fell asleep.

"Conan?" Kazuha's voice called quietly.

"Kazuha?" he asked.

"Hey, how's your friend doing?" she asked.

"He's tired," Conan answered simply.

"Will you tell me how you know him?" she inquired.

"He's Arthur."

"How do you know Arthur?"

"He's my cousin."

"Your cousin?" Kazuha wanted to confirm.

"Yeah," Conan replied. "I haven't seen him for a long time."

"How long?"

"Since..." he pretended to count on his fingers, "I was five."

"I called Ran. She's on her way. Do you want to wait for her here or in the lobby?" Kazuha asked.

"I want to stay here," Conan answered. Kazuha nodded and stood up.

"I'll meet Ran downstairs," she said. He didn't reply. She sighed sadly and headed out of the room. Conan climbed into the chair next to the bed and sat on the edge, staring at his sleeping friend. He felt terribly guilty. It was his fault Heiji had gotten kidnapped and shrunken. And he didn't want to be forgiven.

"Conan-kun? Conan-kun!" he heard Ran exclaim. "I was worried sick!"

"Yeah," he grunted.

"So this is him?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah," Conan repeated.

"What's his name?" Ran asked curiously.

"Arthur," he replied.

"Oh," Ran whispered. "Were you close?"

"I guess," Conan muttered.

"You don't really want to talk to me now, do you?" she asked sadly. He didn't answer. "It's okay. I'll leave you alone." She got up and left the room. He leaned against the armrest of the chair and after a while, he fell into a deep stress-induced sleep.

---

When Ran entered the hospital room the next morning, she smiled softly at the site before her. Conan was still in the chair, but he was slumped over the bed, his head resting on his arms. Arthur was awake, facing him, watching with slight confusion and interest. He looked over wearily as she entered.

"Hi," she said awkwardly. He didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything. He didn't know what to say.

"Um, my name is Ran. I live with Conan-kun," she started. "And you'll come to live with us too, if you want." She watched him silently. He didn't say anything to her for a while. Then:

"H –," he started hoarsely, but stopped.

"Are you thirsty?" she asked. He nodded slightly. "I'll be right back." She turned and left. A little while later, she came back with a water bottle. Ran gently lifted Conan of the bed and wrapped him in a blanket and he curled up tiredly. After setting him in the chair and removing his glasses, she turned back to Heiji. She gently maneuvered him into a half sitting position. He winced slightly but didn't interrupt. After drinking some water, she laid him back on the pillows and pulled the blankets up.

"Thank you," he whispered, blushing slightly. She smiled.

"No problem," she assured him. He shifted in the bed, burrowing into the warm blanket. She smiled gently and tucked him in. He fell asleep almost instantly.

After a few hours, Conan woke up. He stirred and blinked drowsily, looking around. He squinted at Ran and straightened. She smiled.

"Good morning," she whispered. She handed him his glasses, which he put on immediately.

"Ran-neechan?" he whispered.

"You've been asleep. I just came to check on you," she said.

"Arthur?" he asked indicating to the sleeping boy in bed. She looked over and he followed her gaze.

"He woke up earlier," she said. Conan paused. "He was thirsty. Then he fell back to sleep."

"Oh," he said minimally. He saw Heiji stir and looked up at Ran.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"Will you call Dr. Agasa and ask him to come over?" he asked quickly. She nodded.

"Sure Conan-kun. Why?" she asked getting up.

"Oh, he'll want to know that H – Arthur is okay! Okay thanks Ran," he said hurriedly. She nodded, slightly confused and left the room. He closed the door behind her. Heiji watched him with a raised eyebrow as he shoved a chair under the doorknob.

"What are you doing that for?" he asked as Conan shoved a towel in the crack under the door.

"Don't want to be overheard," he muttered. He nodded, smiling at his work, then turned and climbed up onto the hospital bed. The two 'boys' faced each other, not speaking for a while.

"I'm sorry," Conan said finally.

"Don't be," Arthur said, waving a hand.

"It's my fault," Conan muttered, shaking his head.

"It wasn't."

"It was."

"Shut up Kudou."

"If it weren't for me you would've been safe."

"Shut up, Kudou!"

"But if –"

"Look, if it'll make you feel better, It's your entire fault," Heiji said exasperatedly.

"Thank you," Shinichi said with a sigh.

"There, all better," Heiji said, sounding satisfied.

"Conan-kun? Dr. Agasa is here," Ran's voice called, muffled through the door. They exchanged a panicked glance.

"Um – coming Ran-neechan," he called.

"Why did you close the door?" she asked, jiggling the knob. "Conan-kun, what are you doing in there?"

"Nothing, nothing!" he called, ripping the towel from under the door. He threw it into the bathroom and removed the chair from under the doorknob.

"Conan-kun!" Ran shouted, sounding angrier.

"One sec," he said, reaching up and unlocking the door. It burst open, sending him crashing into the wall. Ran gasped.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" she cried. He sat up, rubbing his head dizzily. Arthur, sitting up in bed, was laughing so hard he was crying. Conan scowled at him. Ran checked the bump on his forehead worriedly and frowned.

"No problem, Ran-neechan," he said blinking, making his eyes go crossed.

"I'm so sorry!" she repeated. "Come here," she said, picking him up.

"You're such a dork!" Heiji wheezed from the bed, clutching his stomach. Dr. Agasa was smirking as well. Ran set Conan down on the chair and pulled up a chair next to him.

"Ran-neechan will you go get me some water?" he asked innocently. She nodded and left. Agasa closed the door and sat across from Conan.

"So," Shinichi started. "This is Heiji."

"And he was shrunk too?"

"Yes."

"By the same people?"

"Yes."

"I see," Dr. Agasa said, rubbing his chin. "Well now our problem seems to have gotten bigger."

"How hard can it be?" Arthur asked.

"Harder than you think. You can't tell anyone who you are, you have to pretend you have the mind of a child and be treated like one," Conan said. "You may think it's easy, but it isn't. You'll be surprised." Arthur was silent.

---

PRIVATE - I don't think I'll get flames for killing Heiji if I didn't kill him

Sphinx - hehehe I'm evil

Firestorm2004 - TERMINALLY SHORT?!? That's a good one!

Tant - Heiji's okay. For now. ::Smiles evilly::

Southpaw - ... Are you saying that you like the story because I have good grammar and you don't even like the content? ::scowls::

ladyneria - I updated! Hope you like this chapter as much as the last


	7. Try Harder

**How I Feel**

**Chapter the seventh: Try Harder**

A few weeks later, after Arthur had healed and they'd convinced Kogoro he could stay at their house, the two kids and the teenager walked home from the hospital. Arthur was muttering something about not wanting to impose, and Ran was hearing nothing of it.

"No, no," she chided, "You're not imposing! Of course not, we'd love to have you stay with us!" she said with a large smile upon her face. She held both one of their hands in each of hers as they walked down the sidewalk.

"It'll be so fun! You can share a room with Conan-kun!" Ran exclaimed. "It'll be like a really long sleepover!"

"Sounds amazingly exciting," Conan said with a large fake smile on his face. Arthur made a face at him. Conan stuck out his tongue in response. Ran smiled at their behavior.

When they reached the apartment, it was getting late, so Ran sent both Conan and Arthur to bed right away. An extra bed had been set up in Conan's room so they wouldn't have to share. They lay awake, both staring at the ceiling. After a while, Arthur spoke.

"This is all too weird," he said.

"I know. I've been a kid for almost three years now. Again," Conan replied.

"How do you handle it?" Arthur asked. Conan thought for a moment then answered with a single word.

"Hope."

---

Days passed by quickly in the Mouri household. Ran took Arthur everywhere, showing him around Tokyo. Conan tagged along, smirking at Arthur's embarrassment. Arthur was introduced to Kazuha about a week after he'd gotten out of the hospital. She'd stared at him suspiciously for a long time then smiled.

"It's nice to meet you," she said kindly. "You remind me of...one of my friends." Arthur gulped and nodded quickly.

"N-Nice to meet you too," he squeaked. Conan snickered.

"You know, you do look a lot like Heiji," she said.

"Heiji – Yeah, I know him," Arthur said quickly. Shinichi and Heiji had discussed everything that needed to be discussed just in case.

"You know him? How?" Kazuha asked.

"Cousins," he replied. "Yeah, we're cousins."

"Really? I didn't know Heiji had any cousins. Not that we can ask him about it now," Kazuha said. Ran scowled.

"Kazuha, I don't think that Arthur-kun wants to be reminded of that so close to the tragedy," she scolded sharply. Kazuha straightened her shoulders and muttered a low 'sorry' before exiting the room. Ran followed shortly after and they could be heard speaking in low voices from the next room. Arthur looked over at Arthur, who scratched the back of his head nervously. He sighed.

"They think you're dead," Conan said.

"I know," Arthur replied.

"Hey don't worry about it," Conan said, clapping his friend on the back, "They think I'm dead too."

"It's hard to do this," Arthur said quietly.

"Believe me, I know," Conan said. "But you've got to try at the very least."

---

"Time to wake up!" Ran hollered down the hall. "You're going to be late for school!" Conan immediately was up and getting ready, while Arthur watched, his heart full of dread.

"I don't wanna go," he whined.

"Suck it up," Conan said, tossing Jeans and a shirt to Arthur. "Come on, don't want to be late on your first day," he smirked. Arthur pouted.

"No fair," he grumbled, getting changed. They ate breakfast quickly and headed off for the school. When they arrived, Conan was greeted enthusiastically by the other detective boys and Ayumi. She immediately hugged Conan tightly and kissed his cheek, making him blush and Arthur grin. Genta and Mitsuhiko scowled at him.

"Hey Conan who's the new kid?" Genta asked rudely.

"This is Arthur, my cousin," Conan introduced. Arthur scratched his nose apprehensively. The boys surveyed him up and down while Ayumi smiled.

"Hi Arthur! My name is Ayumi!" she exclaimed proudly, holding out her hand. He shook it slowly. The bell for class rang.

"Well, better get going, don't want to be late!" Conan said, grabbing Arthur's hand and dragging him away.

"I hate kids," Arthur muttered under his breath. Conan laughed.

"Oh, come now _Arthur_!" he said, "You can't be serious!"

"No, seriously," he said in total sincerity, "I think I even hated myself when _I_ was a kid!" Conan laughed.

"It isn't as bad as you make it out to be," he promised. "Just try to get through one day and everything will be fine."

---

Heiji banged his head on the table repeatedly as the bell rang for lunch. Conan leaned on the desk, watching with a giant smirk on his face.

"You'll never get through grade school if you get brain damage," he said amusedly. Heiji looked up at him, his forehead reddening and a scowl on his face.

"I hate children," he grumbled.

"Conan!" Ayumi called from the doorway, "Don't you and Arthur want to come for lunch?"

"We'll be there in a few minutes," he replied. She smiled and walked away. Heiji's eye twitched as he watched her leave.

"Kill me," he hissed, sounding incredibly evil. Conan blinked. he shook his head wearily.

"Come on," he said, grabbing Heiji's arm. "Or I'll get Genta to carry you out!" Heiji followed reluctantly.

---

"Heiji, you can regain consciousness now," Conan said, snapping him out of his daze. "School's over."

"YES!" Arthur cried in triumph. He bolted from the room, snatching his backpack on the way. Conan followed, grinning.

"I'm free!" Arthur exclaimed.

"Calm down," Conan said. "You look like a crazy person."

"Let's blow this popsicle stand!" Arthur exclaimed, ignoring him.

"Conan! Arthur!" Arthur stopped abruptly and Conan turned to look at who called out. He smiled as he saw Ran waving to them.

"Coming Ran-neechan," he called. He grasped Arthur's sleeve and dragged him towards her. She greeted both with a hug before taking their hands and walking them back home. She held a large smile on her face and seemed to be floating on air. Conan stared at her suspiciously.

"What are you so perky about?" he asked.

"I met a boy today, Conan-kun!" she exclaimed. He stopped dead in his tracks.

"W-What?" he stuttered.

"He asked me to out with him tonight. So lets get you two home," she said. He stood still.

"W-What?" he repeated.

"It's better this way, Conan-kun. If Shinichi is away so long, he obviously doesn't care about me," she stated.

"Yeah he does!" Conan objected, sounding absolutely mortified.

"Come on, Conan-kun. We're going home," she said, tugging him along. He followed silently. Arthur looked at him worriedly.

When they entered the Mouri household, Ran automatically released them and headed for the kitchen to make them dinner. Conan went the opposite direction and slammed the door of his bedroom at the exact moment Ran slammed the kitchen door. Kogoro looked up drowsily, a half empty can of beer in his hand. He looked at Arthur for a moment, as though trying to figure out who he was.

"What's their problem?" he asked.

"I don't know," Arthur lied, following after Conan. He entered the room silently and stared at Conan for a while.

"What do you want?" Conan asked irritably.

"Stop moping," Arthur frowned.

"Can't," Conan grunted.

"So Ran has a boyfriend. So what? All you have to do is chase him away. You can't tell me you haven't done it before," Heiji said.

"I haven't," he confessed.

"Then try it," Arthur said.

"No, I won't," Conan whispered.

"What? I thought you loved her!" Arthur said.

"I do but if she loves someone else, then I wish her happiness," he whispered miserably. His shoulders shook with sobs. Arthur quietly left the room and went to the kitchen. There, he sat down at the table and watched Ran cook.

"Oh, hello Arthur-kun," she said when she noticed him.

"Why are you dating that other guy?" he asked outright.

"Because," she started, "Because Shinichi hasn't come home yet. And I don't think he ever will. So I'm moving on with my life."

"But what if Shinichi comes back?" Arthur asked.

"He isn't coming back," Ran said curtly.

"But –," he started.

"Tell Conan-kun it's time for dinner," she cut in. he nodded and left the room with a scowl on his face. When he opened the bedroom door, Conan's voice floated through the hallway before he could speak.

"I'm not hungry!"

Arthur closed the door quickly at the tone of his voice. There was a knock on the front door.

"Well, I seem to be the messenger boy today," he shrugged, reaching up and pulling open the door. There stood a teenager, almost a man, with dark black hair and bright blue eyes. He carried a bouquet of flowers in his arms and a bright smile on his face. Arthur glared up at him hatefully. The guy scratched the back of his head nervously as he met the boy's glower.

"H-Hi little boy!" he started. Arthur's glare increased. "Um – Uh – is Ran here?" Arthur's glare deepened even more. Ran appeared in the room suddenly.

"Kentaro!" she exclaimed. "I'll just be a minute!" she said, running into her bedroom. Kentaro nodded slightly and shifted his weight, fidgety under Arthur's hateful stare.

"So, what's your name?" he asked awkwardly.

"Arthur," he answered curtly.

"Hi Arthur, I'm Kentaro," he introduced himself. Arthur just blinked. "Um – Is Ran your sister?"

"No."

"Oh," Kentaro said, scratching his neck. Ran reappeared in the living room wearing a short, midnight blue dress. He grinned at the site of her. She blushed slightly. Arthur made a face.

"Okay well we better go," Ran said. "Bye Arthur-kun. Bye dad." And they were gone. Arthur stood helplessly in the doorway. There was nothing to do around here with a moping Conan, a drunk Kogoro and Ran out on a date. But it was Friday! There had to be something to do. He would do anything at the moment.

And that something came way faster than Heiji would've liked.

---

Bum bum bum!!!!!!

Meitantei Mystery - Yeah! I did make up Martini and Rum! I figured I should come up with my own villians so nobody would be OOC

Sphinx - You're onto me! I am evil! But just a wittle bit

Firestorm2004 - You really think it's a great idea?!? ::fills with hope:: Yay!

Southpaw - The ending will be great.I have it all mapped out! ::pause:: Okay, no I don't. But it'll still be great!

PRIVATE - YES! Mini Heiji is extra cute!


	8. Run Away

**How I Feel**

**Chapter the eighth: Run Away**

Arthur sat next to the unconscious Kogoro, watching television blankly. It was boring. So boring he thought he could just drop dead and not even realize it. Kogoro snorted in his sleep and rolled over, crushing a few beer cans in the process.

"Stupid drunkard," Arthur muttered darkly. Conan came out about an hour later, a smile present on his face. Arthur raised an eyebrow.

"Is Ran back yet?" he asked.

"No," Arthur answered. Conan's smile faltered, but came as quickly as it left. He plopped down on the couch next to Arthur and watched the television. Arthur eyed him wonderingly for a few minutes before turning back to the television.

At about eight o clock, there was a knock at the window. Someone was below, trying to get someone's attention. Conan and Arthur peered out the window to the ground and let out startled yelps, jumping back at the same time in alarm as a bullet crashed through the window and embedded itself in the ceiling. Kogoro jolted out of his slumber. Arthur and Conan hunched under the coffee table, trying not to get hit by the shattering glass and ceiling tile as more bullets rained upon them. Finally, it stopped.

Conan stuck his head out from under the table and looked around. Kogoro was kneeling behind an old bookcase, and was unhurt. Arthur crawled out from under the table and stood, careful to not touch any glass. Everything was covered in glass shards and debris. The ceiling had numerous holes and was cracking. Police sirens echoed in the distance, headed their way. There was the screeching of tires on the pavement outside and a black car sped away into the night. Kogoro cursed under his breath.

Conan gave Arthur a look and the both headed for the door. They fled out into the street, searching around for any clues. The fresh skid marks on the concrete road signaled that the shooters had gone left down the street. They looked at each other and nodded. At once, they were both on their way, following the mysterious shooter, filled with fierce determination. Whoever was shooting at them had to have something against them. They had to figure out who it was.

They ran hard, desperate to find out who would try to kill them. They soon came to a fork in the road and didn't know where to go.

"Right or left do you think?" Conan asked, out of breath.

"I don't know," Arthur gasped.

"Maybe – Maybe left?" Conan asked.

"Yeah, there's a tree knocked down there, let's try it," Arthur agreed. They headed off again. They had no way to tell how long they were running, neither had a watch on them. Conan had his Detective Boys badge pinned neatly to his shirt though.

"How could you remember to put on that stupid pin but forget your watch?" Arthur asked incredulously.

"It's just a habit, okay?" Conan snapped.

"Okay, okay!" Arthur replied defensively. They kept running. Finally, they stopped in front of an old building with a garage. It was a dead end, they panted heavily, trying to catch their breath.

"Do you think this is the place?" Conan asked. Arthur shrugged. Neither of them liked the eerie feeling of unpleasant awkwardness that was present outside the house. They lingered outside for a few minutes, looking around. A light switched on inside the house, but was dimmed quickly as the shades were pulled closed.

"I don't like this place," Arthur muttered.

"Yeah, me either," Conan agreed. "Maybe we should turn back."

"I think that's the best idea you've ever had," Arthur agreed.

They turned and started to go. They made it about half a mile back up the road when they stopped. Conan could have sworn he'd heard voices. And Arthur was almost completely positive that he'd heard footsteps. They walked slower, listening intently. A bright light suddenly shone in their faces. They each brought up an arm to try and block the light. Conan squinted and when he saw who the shooters were, he let his arm fall limply to his side and stared wide eyed at the two men he'd been looking for, for over three years. They seemed to recognize both of them.

"If it isn't Kudou and Hattori," Gin smirked. Conan couldn't move, he was shocked senseless. All he could think was:

'_I found them! I can't believe it! After all this time!' _he began breathing heavily. Arthur backed away slightly looking frightened. Conan began to back up too but stopped, checking behind them. Rum and Martini stood there, blocking their only other way of escape.

"What do we do?" Arthur whispered in panic. Conan swallowed hard and his eyes darted around, looking for an escape. Where could they go? He didn't dare make any movements, in fear of both their lives. Arthur seemed to be thinking the same thing. Suddenly, Conan had an idea.

"On three, run to the right," he whispered almost inaudibly. But Arthur heard and nodded slightly. The men in black started to advance on them.

"One, two," he whispered. Vodka suddenly aimed a gun at them. "Three!" They darted out of the road and into the forest. Vodka cursed and fired at them. They dodged expertly and kept running. The four in black followed them through the thick underbrush. The branches and thorns scratched their skin and tore their clothes, making them bleed, but they didn't stop. They were far ahead. The boys stopped and his behind a tree, waiting. There was silence. Conan chanced a glance at Arthur, who was looking terrified.

There was quick movement in front of them and Gin and Vodka appeared, both had guns trained on them steadily. They froze.

"No escaping now, Kudou," Vodka smirked. He fired. Conan clenched his eyes shut and waited for impact, but instead of a bullet, a tranquilizer dart shot out at him at top speed and he felt the sharp pain in his neck before everything faded. Arthur watched in horror as Conan slumped to the ground, unconscious. Then there was a sharp prick in his neck and he too was out cold.

---

Conan awoke tied to a chair around his waist with his wrists tied to the armrests. He blinked groggily and his head lolled on his chest. He tried to lift his head, but it felt incredibly heavy to his neck, and he let it fall back onto his chest. He wondered how long he'd been out for. He eyed the room warily and saw Arthur was also tied to a wooden chair in the same fashion.

His breathing was labored. If he had a mirror, he was sure he'd be pale as paper. His neck throbbed and stung from the dart. Arthur was starting to wake up as well. After a while, he was fully awake and looking around confusedly. Conan caught his eye and looked away quickly, feeling guilty.

"What's going on?" Arthur asked.

"Be quiet. We don't want them to hear us," Conan whispered back. Arthur nodded and let his head fall onto his chest heavily. There was no way to tell how much time had passed, but it was a long while before they heard the voices of their captors. The door at the far end of the room opened widely and Rum entered. He smiled and walked up to them.

Rum forcibly opened Conan's lips and shoved a pill into his mouth. He held his mouth closed and forced him to swallow. He choked and coughed, but swallowed in the end. Rum repeated the process on Arthur and left afterwards, leaving two sets of clothes on the table next to the door. There was an audible click as the door locked from the other side. Shinichi felt a familiar twinge in his heart and knew they'd been force-fed the antidote.

The ropes binding them broke and their clothes shredded as their bodies grew to normal size. They bother were lying on the ground, completely out of breath. Heiji lie still for a few minutes, breathing heavily. Shinichi crawled over and got dressed, throwing the other clothes to Heiji. When he dressed, Shinichi helped him to his feet.

"Damn, that hurts," he muttered.

"I know," Shinichi said. "But I think we have bigger problems."

---

Kentaro walked Ran home from the movie later that night with a smile on his face. Ran was smiling too, her eyes bright with laughter. Her smile faded and her happy expression turned to horror as she saw the police cars surrounding her home. She dropped her beautiful flowers and ran up the stairs, Kentaro's jacket falling off of her shoulders as she ran.

"Dad!" she cried, entering the apartment. "Dad! Conan-kun? Arthur-kun?!"

"Ran!" her father asked. He hugged her tightly to him and stroked her hair, shuddering with relief.

"Dad what happened? Where are the boys?" she asked.

"Someone was shooting at us," he said, "But its okay! No one was hurt. Those kids ran out of here as soon as the car drove away."

"Oh dad, thank god you're all right!" she cried, burying her face in his chest.

"Its fine Ran, everything is okay," he assured her.

"I think I should go look for Conan-kun and Arthur-kun," she said. Kogoro nodded and released her.

"Good idea. The police will probably be here all night. It's about eleven thirty now, you better go get those little brats before someone calls the cops," he said. She nodded and departed, grabbing Kentaro's arm on the way and dragging him along. They stopped outside and Ran looked around.

"Where could they have gone?" Ran wondered aloud.

"The woman who lives to street that way," started a police officer that overheard, pointing to the street. "Says she saw two boys run by after she heard the gunshots." Ran's eyes brightened and she grabbed Kentaro's sleeve, dragging him after her.

"Ran, what are we trying to find? What if the boys just went to a friend's house?" Kentaro suggested.

"No, Conan-kun would never pass up a chance to solve a mystery. We have to find him before someone else does."

They followed along the path for a long time. It was twelve o'clock midnight when they reached a fork in the road. Ran leaned up against a tree, exhausted, and took off her shoes. After a short rest, they left, heading for the nearest house where Conan's friends live, which was Ayumi's. She knocked on the door and waited anxiously. A sleepy looking Mrs. Yoshida answered the door.

"Ran?" she yawned. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Yoshida, I know it's late but we can't find Conan-kun or Arthur-kun. They aren't here are they?" she asked. Mrs. Yoshida rubbed her eyes tiredly.

"No dear I haven't seen them," she said. "I can help you look if you wish. Wait one minute, I'll ask Ayumi," she headed into the house, motioning for them to follow. They followed her to Ayumi's bedroom and stood in the doorway as Mrs. Yoshida woke her sleeping daughter.

"Wake up, sweetie," Mrs. Yoshida whispered. Ayumi rubbed her eyes and squinted at her blearily.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Sweetie, have you seen your little friend Conan or Arthur lately?" her mother asked.

"Not since school," Ayumi answered. "Hey! Conan might have his detective badge!" she exclaimed, suddenly wide awake. She jumped out of bed and took the badge off of her dresser, clicking it on. Ran anxiously kneeled down in front of the little girl.

"How does it work?" she asked.

"Like this," Ayumi said, bringing the speaker up to her mouth. "Conan? Are you there?"

---

Heiji and Shinichi looked at each other and nodded in agreement.

"One," Heiji started.

"Two," Shinichi followed.

"Three!" they said at once. They rammed their shoulders against the door repeatedly, trying to get free. But it didn't even budge. They collapsed on the ground exhaustedly and breathing heavily.

"What are we going to do?" Heiji panted.

"I have no idea," Shinichi answered heavily. When they caught their breath, they just sat there, leaning against the concrete wall and waiting for death. They both knew it was coming. Heiji was silently wishing he could have told Kazuha how he felt. Shinichi was wishing the same thing about Ran. The two broken hearted teens were lost in their thoughts, and jolted out when a voice sounded through the room.

"Conan? Are you there?" Ayumi's squeaky voice asked. Heiji blinked and looked over at Shinichi, bewildered. Shinichi gazed wide-eyed at his pile of shredded clothes. Ayumi's voice was coming from his badge! He crawled over and yanked the badge off the shirt and held it to his mouth.

"Ayumi? Is that you?" he asked. He cursed silently, knowing his voice was back to normal.

"Who is this?" she asked curiously. There was a shriek in the background and a new voice sounded from the badge.

"Shinichi!" Ran shrieked. Heiji crawled up next to him as Shinichi answered.

"Ran, where are you?" he asked.

"I'm at Yoshida Ayumi's house," Ran answered. "But Shinichi, why do you have Conan-kun's badge?"

"Because," he started. "I stole it."

"What?" Ran asked curiously.

"Never mind that now. We need your help," Shinichi said seriously.

"Who's we?" Ran asked.

"Me and Heiji," he answered.

"What is going on?" Ran asked desperately.

"We found the kids on the street and brought them to a safe place. Don't worry about them. But then we got ourselves caught," Heiji lied expertly. "And we need your help."

"What can we do?" Ran asked. Shinichi and Heiji gave her directions to the house they had seen. They were positive that's where they were. Ran listened intently and wrote down their instructions. It was hard for her to keep her tears locked up inside as she listened to her two missing friends ask for her help. She cleared her throat when she finished and nodded determinedly.

"Alright," she said. "I'll get there, and I'll bring help."

"Thank you Ran. But just –," he stopped. Both his and Heiji's heads turned and stared at the door. Footsteps and low whispering could be heard coming towards them.

"Oh no," Heiji said.

"What's going on?" Ran asked.

"I'm sorry, we have to go, they're coming and – oh - !" he cursed loudly, making Mrs. Yoshida clamp her hands over Ayumi's ears.

"Shinichi?! SHINCIHI!?" Ran screamed. But he'd clicked off the speaker and they couldn't hear her anymore. Shinichi shoved the badge into his pocket hastily and backed away as the door flung open. Vodka and Gin entered the room. Gin held a coil of rope and Vodka had a gun aimed on them.

"Time to leave, boys."

---

hee hee!

Jimmysgrl4evr - here it is!

PRIVATE - lol

Firestorm2004 - lol, yes he is

Sphinx -awwww thank you!


	9. Search and Rescue

**How I Feel**

**_IMPORTANT! READ IT BEFORE REVIEWING >>>>_** Hey everyone! This is the part where I'm attempting something new. I know Heiji's father Heizo is mean and junk, but I think he'd still be concerned for his son, so in the next chapters I attempt to turn strict, firm, non rule-breaking Heizo into strict, kind, caring, yet still firm,Mr. Hattori who loves his son. Don't you dare flame me! It's an **ATTEMPT! **

**Chapter the ninth: Search and Rescue**

Shinichi and Heiji backed away as they advanced. Gin took hold of Shinichi's arm and dragged him to his feet roughly. Vodka placed the barrel of the gun between Shinichi's eyes and applied slight pressure, making him wince. Gin tied Shinichi's wrists behind his back and pulled a thick piece of duct tape over his mouth. They smirked widely.

"Now sit and be a good little boy," Vodka smirked. Gin shoved him to the ground and he sat there growling angrily at them. He kicked out and hit Vodka's left knee. He cursed and reared his hand back, smacking Shinichi in the face with the barrel of the pistol, jerking the teen's head back. He lay still on the ground, his right temple bleeding freely.

They tied and gagged Heiji as well and Gin dragged him out of the room. Vodka looked down at Shinichi, a sneer on his face. He took a handful of the boy's hair and looked into his face, glaring at him down his long nose. Shinichi stared back defiantly.

"You brought this upon yourself, Kudou," he sneered. He moved his grip from his hair to around his waist and carried him out under his arm. Shinichi didn't struggle against the larger man, knowing it was inevitable. He was going to be killed, no matter how hard he struggled.

He was dizzy. His head pounded and blood ran down his face from his head wound. He and Heiji were brought out to the black car. Gin popped the trunk and shoved Heiji in, then Shinichi in afterwards. There was just enough space for both of them, curled up and unmoving.

"Expanded trunk space," he smirked. "Just in case." Then, he slammed the lid down, enveloping them in darkness.

---

Ran was running. She followed directions and came to a road. Kentaro came up behind her, panting heavily.

"Ran, do you even know where we are going?" he asked.

"Yes," she said. "The house should be just down this road." She let Kentaro catch his breath, and then started to walk down the street.

"Look, a car," he pointed. Indeed, a car was headed right for them. He waved, but they didn't stop. They drove right by without stopping or slowing down. Ran squinted at their car suspiciously. She squinted and memorized the license plate number.

"I don't like the looks of those two," she said. They stopped, waiting. The Inspector came later with a few officers.

"Get in, we'll drive you the rest of the way," he said. They got into the backseat and they drove down the street. Just like Shinichi had said, there was a two story house at the end of the road. The police skidded to a stop and barged into the house.

They searched high and low, but the house was empty. Ran and Kentaro looked around too. There were signs that people were living there recently, but it looked like they'd taken anything that could be used for clues with them. Ran slumped onto the couch in disappointment. Kentaro put his arm around her shoulders.

"It'll be okay Ran," he said. "We'll find your friend."

"I just miss him so much," she whispered.

"Sir, we found something!" an officer yelled. Megure looked up from what he was doing and followed the officer down a flight of stairs. At the bottom was a door. They entered the room, Ran following at their heels. Inside the room was bare, except for two wooden chairs and a bit of rope. Ran shoved her way through the crowd of officers to see what they had found. There, on the floor, was a smeared puddle of dark crimson blood.

"It looks like there was a struggle, sir," the officer said. Suddenly, Kazuha burst through the door.

"Where is Heiji? Where is he?!" she cried. Ran hurried over to her and pulled her from the room. She embraced the other girl tightly and comforted her. Kazuha cried into Ran's shoulder miserably. She'd been so relieved, _so relieved_, when she'd found out Heiji was alive. It was hard to come and find out he was gone again. Ran shuddered with concealed sobs. She held her friend close, trying to comfort her.

"It's okay," she croaked. "He'll be okay."

"Ran you mentioned you saw a car coming from this way," Megure said. "Can you explain what it looked like?"

"It was black and had tinted windows," she thought for a moment then smiled. She told the Inspector the license plate number of the car. He smiled widely and looked like he could kiss her.

"That's great! I'll get someone out looking!" he exclaimed. She and Kazuha followed the three police officers that ran from the house and into a police car. Kazuha threw open the door to her car and Ran jumped into the passenger side. Kazuha sped off, leaving the house in her dust.

They sped through the streets, two women on a mission. No one could stop them now that they were going. Kazuha refused to be stopped.

"Where should we look?" she asked.

"Well, if you were a crazy sadist that kidnaps and tries to kill people, where would you go?" Ran asked.

"I don't know. A bar?" Kazuha suggested.

"Well, we might as well try it. They can't have gone too far. Where's the nearest bar?" Ran asked. Kazuha turned the wheel to the left.

"Here," she said, pulling into an airport.

"Do you really think they'd go to an airport bar?" Ran asked incredulously.

"It's worth a shot," Kazuha said, driving around the parking lot, looking for the black car. They drove through the whole surrounding lot, and then Ran shrieked and pointed. There, parked in front of the church with a stolen handicap sticker, was the black car. Kazuha pulled into the spot a few spaces away and they jumped out. They ran over to the car and peered into the windows. It was empty.

"This is the car, it has to be," Ran said.

"That means," Kazuha whispered.

"They're getting on a plane!" Ran finished. "We have to stop them!"

"Let's go!" Kazuha shouted, running into the airport. It was crowded with people as usual. They had to get into the main part of the building, but the only way was to go through the metal detectors. The line was too long; they didn't have that much time to wait. They ran to the front of the line, shoving people out of their way. Security guards stopped them.

"I'll have to ask you to go to the end of the line, ladies," one said in a deep voice.

"No you don't understand!" Ran cried.

"Our friends are in there and we have to stop them!" Kazuha argued.

"We've heard it all before," the guard said. Ran and Kazuha blazed with fury.

"If you want to be the cause of two innocent boys' deaths then go ahead and throw us out!" Kazuha shouted.

"I'm sorry ladies," another guard apologized. "But we can't let you through." The girls were about to blow up at the two guards when the three officers sent to investigate rushed in, flashing their badges.

"Ran, Kazuha, what are you doing here?" Kogoro asked as he entered.

"We're trying to find Heiji and Shinichi but these idiots won't let us in!" Ran exclaimed angrily.

"Detective Mouri!" a guard shouted giddily.

"Yes, I am Kogoro Mouri. These girls are coming with me, we have some criminals to find," he said, walking past them. The girls smirked and stuck up their noses as they went by the dumbfounded guards.

"How did you find yourselves here?" Kogoro asked.

"We were looking for Shinichi and Heiji," Ran answered. Two more men came up to them, taking Kazuha by surprise.

"Dad? Mr. Hattori?" she asked. "What are you doing here?"

"What do you think? I'm finding my son," Mr. Hattori growled.

"Check everywhere, don't leave anywhere unchecked. Move!" Mr. Toyama ordered. Security guards and police officers spread out, looking for the two men and kidnapped teenagers. Ran and Kazuha hurried towards the nearest bar. That was the only place they could think to look. If those guys had bought a plane ticket, they had to still be in the airport. The next plane to anywhere left at three AM. It was now two o'clock.

They headed for the bar at the east side of the airport. They weren't technically allowed in, but they snuck through the door and looked around. There were a lot of men there. Almost all of them were dressed in black. A few girls danced on the bars and tabletops while men watched with anticipation. They grimaced.

Three men and a woman sat at a table in the far corner of the bar, muttering to each other. Ran eyed them suspiciously. She recognized two and gasped. That had to be them. She got Kazuha's attention and pointed.

"Are you sure?" she whispered.

"I'm almost positive," Ran whispered back. They waited for a while, and finally the two men Ran recognized stood ad headed for the door. The girls followed eagerly. The blonde haired man bumped into a woman and cursed as he dropped his briefcase, spilling out wads of money and some folders.

"Oh, I'm so sorry sir," she apologized, kneeling down and stacking up some of the folders helpfully. He shoved her away and straightened. She sat on the ground, looking confused and angry. They waited for a few minutes while the men left. Kazuha pointed.

"Look, they dropped their car keys!" Kazuha hissed. Ran hurried up and snatched them off the ground quickly and the two hid. A few moments later, the two men in black rushed back, looking around for what Ran and Kazuha suspected were their car keys. They rushed back into the bar and Ran and Kazuha rushed outside of the airport. They ran through the gas between cars, searching for the black car with the tinted windows.

They finally found it. It was sitting there innocently enough, but they knew better. Inside that car was a clue to where Shinichi and Heiji were. Ran unlocked the driver side door and climbed in, rummaging around in the front seat while Kazuha searched the back. Ran sighed in frustration and banged her fist on the seat. Kazuha stopped.

"There's something here, I can feel it," she whispered. Ran looked at her friend curiously. Kazuha slowly crawled into the backseat, careful not to make any noise. She didn't hear anything. Ran frowned and backed out of the car. Kazuha followed, sighing.

"What do we do? We'll never find them," Ran whimpered. Kazuha sighed, feeling completely defeated. Then she had an idea. She took the keys from Ran's hand and stepped behind the car.

She shoved the key into the trunk and unlocked it. Ran hovered over her shoulder, watching anxiously. The trunk popped open slightly and Kazuha removed the key. She slid her fingers under the lid and lifted it up slowly. They stared into the horrified faces of Detectives Kudou Shinichi and Hattori Heiji.

---

Thanks to - **Firestorm2004** and **PRIVATE!**

**eclipse **- What? I just created this story a little while ago...Sorry about the cliffhangers too, but...you'll get used to them :-D


	10. Reunited

**How I Feel**

**_IMPORTANT! READ IT BEFORE REVIEWING >>>>_** Hey everyone! This is the part where I'm attempting something new. I know Heiji's father Heizo is mean and junk, but I think he'd still be concerned for his son, so in the next chapters I attempt to turn strict, firm, non rule-breaking Heizo into strict, kind, caring, yet still firm,Mr. Hattori who loves his son. Don't you dare flame me! It's an **ATTEMPT! **

**Chapter the tenth: Reunited**

Heiji and Shinichi, bound and gagged and unable to move, lay in silence in the trunk of the car. Everything was quiet since Gin and Vodka had vacated the car. Nothing could be heard but their heavy breathing. Voices passed by occasionally, but no matter how much they tried, their muffled voices could never be heard. They were helpless.

Shinichi fell limply, not even attempting to free himself anymore. His head throbbed horribly. His head fell sideways and he looked into the eyes of his best friend. Heiji looked back at him in sympathy and fright. He was scared. They were both scared.

Claustrophobia was sinking in. Breathing became labored.

Their happy memories flashed before their eyes. Shinichi wished for Ran's forgiveness. He knew she was angry at him for disappearing. If he had the chance, he'd tell her his secret. Not that it mattered now. They were slowly running out of oxygen, and they knew it. Heiji stared at Shinichi, trying to hold back tears. They gave each other a silent message.

_Goodbye._

Heiji missed his father. Sure, his father wasn't the nicest guy, and he certainly was scary at points, but he still loved him. Heizo Hattori was his father and he was proud. He wanted to sob with shame. He was afraid of his own father. You weren't supposed to be afraid of the man that raised you to be what you are.

There was a clicking noise as the key was slowly placed into the trunk's lock. They turned their heads and watched, horrified, as the trunk popped open slightly. Fingers curled underneath and began to lift the top slowly. Shinichi wanted to cry in relief as he saw Ran and Kazuha there, looking down at them. Heiji squirmed and made a muffled noise from behind the gag.

Ran's tears slid down her face as she saw them. She leaned down and touched Shinichi's swollen and bleeding head wound with her fingertips. He winced and pulled away. She moved her bloody fingers away and stared at the red liquid, horrified. Kazuha gently removed the duct tape from their mouths.

"Thank god you're alive," she whispered. Ran hastily wiped the blood off on her blue dress, smearing it all over the beautiful fabric. With some difficulty, the girls got Shinichi and Heiji out of the trunk. Shinichi couldn't support his weight on his feet, however, and collapsed onto the hard concrete. Kazuha hastily untied Heiji's wrists as Ran kneeled next to Shinichi.

"Shinichi are you okay?" she asked.

"I can't see your face Ran. I hear your voice Ran, but I can't see you," he whispered. She sobbed loudly and clamped a hand over her mouth. Shinichi's eyes wandered unseeingly.

"Come on, we have to get him some help," Heiji said, trying to rub the feeling back into his hands. Kazuha untied Shinichi's wrists hurriedly and Heiji lifted him to a sitting position. Shinichi slumped against his chest, losing consciousness at last. Heiji gently tilted Shinichi's head to the side and examined the gash on his forehead. It was deep, but not life threateningly so.

"He's blind. He's gone blind," Ran whispered.

"It's probably the head wound. He could still be cured, but he has to get to a hospital now!" Heiji said.

"He couldn't see me! He said he couldn't see my face! He –," she choked on her sobs. Kazuha embraced her friend and watched as Heiji tore of a piece of his shirt and dabbed the blood away from Shinichi's face. The cut still bled, but not as badly.

"Ran, I need you to listen to me," he said sternly. She looked up. "I need you to go and find someone that can help and bring them here. Then I want you to have everyone else to find those three men and that woman in black, alright? They call themselves Gin, Vodka, Rum and Martini. Do you understand?"

"Y-Yes," she whispered, getting to her feet.

"Kazuha I need you to take the car, take it anywhere, it doesn't matter, just stash it. Then get back anyway you can. Can you do that for me?" he asked. She nodded, gave Ran a reassuring pat on the back and departed. Ran followed.

Heiji sat on the ground still, with Shinichi leaned against him. He didn't know how long he'd have to wait for Ran to return. He only hoped she wouldn't be long. Until then he pressed the torn cloth from the shirt provided by Gin and Vodka to the gash at Shinichi's forehead. He didn't have long to wait.

"Heiji? Heiji!" a familiar voice called. He looked up. His father was running towards him. His eyes widened.

"Dad?" he asked in shock. His father kneeled down next to him and pulled him into a hug. Surprised, Heiji froze.

"I thought you were dead," Mr. Hattori whispered. Heiji relaxed and hugged his father back with one arm, supporting Shinichi with the other.

"I'm okay, dad," he whispered back, tears coming to his eyes. He shuddered and sobbed, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's alright, it's okay," Mr. Hattori whispered. He released his son and noticed Shinichi. He took the boy's face in his hands and turned it, examining the open wound with mild concern.

"He was awake, but he fell unconscious when Kazuha and Ran found us," Heiji explained.

"You were here? Where did they find you?" Mr. Hattori asked.

"They had us –," he stopped, a lump forming in his throat. "In – In the trunk of a car, tied up and gagged."

"And how did he get injured?" Mr. Hattori asked, shifting Shinichi closer to him to examine the wound more closely.

"He was – He was trying to help me," Heiji said. "They had guns and threatened to shoot us. They tied him up and were taunting him. And then when they were going to tie me up, he kicked one of them, the taller one. And – and the guy hit him w-with the gun," more tears came to his eyes and he struggled not to start crying again.

"It's alright Heiji," Mr. Hattori said. "Take your time."

"And they put us in the trunk and drove us here. They have plane tickets – they were going to leave us there," Heiji said. "And we were running out of air w-when the girls came."

"And where is the car now?" Heizo asked.

"Kazuha took it. She's hiding it somewhere. I didn't want those guys to get away if they came back, so I told her to take it. I'm sorry," Heiji whispered.

"No, it's alright," Mr. Hattori assured his son. "It was a fine thing to do, don't worry. Right now all we have to do is get him to a hospital."

"Will he be okay?" Heiji asked.

"I don't know," Heizo replied gravely. "Let's get him out of here, come on."

He picked Shinichi up in his arms and stood. Heiji wiped his eyes and followed suit. Mr. Hattori gave his son a gentle smile, and Heiji smiled back. Mr. Hattori finally noticed the dirty, faded, too large sweatpants and zip-up sweatshirt his son had on and noted Shinichi's similar attire.

"What are you wearing?" he asked, slightly disgusted. Heiji looked down at himself in confusion, and then looked at his father, blushing slightly.

_'How do I explain this?!' _he thought.

"The – They aren't mine," he said awkwardly.

"What are you saying?" Mr. Hattori asked slowly, his eyes flashing.

"Well – um – you see," he stuttered.

"Heiji," Mr. Hattori whispered. "Did they –?"

"No, no nothing like that!" he assured. "But we were…in a room and our clothes got t-torn up and – um…"

"It's okay Heiji, we can talk about it later," Mr. Hattori said. He was disgusted. Why would they take two male teenagers' clothes if not to –? But his son didn't want to talk about it, and he wasn't going to push the subject. He could only hope his son wasn't lying to him when he said it wasn't true. They walked in silence and finally reached the entrance to the airport. They entered without hesitation and charged past the curious bystanders.

"Hattori!" Kogoro exclaimed. "Heiji, you're alive! And Kudou?"

"Someone call for an ambulance!" he boomed over the whispers and shouts of confusion.

"What happened to him?" Kogoro asked as they hurried through the crowds of people and into an enclosed office. Kogoro shut the door behind them and Heizo set Shinichi down on the sofa next to the wall. Heiji pulled up a chair next to the couch and sat down.

"Heiji," his father said suddenly. "You're bleeding!" Heiji looked at him curiously.

"What?" he asked. There was a sharp pain in his neck and he winced, clapping a hand over the spot. It was where he was shot with the tranquilizer. He pulled his hand away and found it covered with the crimson liquid. He stared at the blood for a while, and then looked up at his father, scared.

"That looks bad," Mr. Hattori said, lifting Heiji's chin to take a better look. Heiji winced again.

"I – I didn't even notice," he stuttered. Mr. Hattori pulled a tissue from the box on the desk and gently dabbed at the cut. Heiji cringed but didn't say anything. Heiji took the tissue in his hand and held it to his neck. Kogoro examined Shinichi and pointed out an identical mark on his neck.

"Look, Kudou has one just like it," he said. Heizo looked over and nodded, frowning. He looked at Heiji questioningly.

"It was a tranquilizer gun," he said. "They shot us with them when we almost got away. I don't know how long ago that was."

"It went in deep," Heizo observed. "In both of you. That's probably why you haven't stopped bleeding yet. I'd say it was recent, a few hours maybe."

"It didn't hurt at all," Heiji said. Heizo nodded. There were shouts outside.

"That's the ambulance," Kogoro said. Heizo nodded and stood. Just as they'd predicted, the sounds of sirens blared outside. Heizo lifted Shinichi again and brought him outside, motioning for Heiji to follow. He stood but sat again almost instantly, clutching the bleeding spot on his neck. His eyes clouded over with pain.

"It hurts," he whispered. Heizo looked at his son worriedly.

"Mouri help him!" he snapped. Kogoro hooked his arm around Heiji's waist and helped him stumble from the room. Heiji leaned on Kogoro for support. Heizo watched with anxiety and let them go before him, coming out after. Kogoro helped Heiji slide into an ambulance.

Heizo set Shinichi down carefully on a gurney in an ambulance van. He stepped out and watched as they strapped him in then slammed the doors shut. He watched as it pulled away and turned just in time to see Heiji being strapped down to a gurney again. He caught his son's eye. Heiji looked horrified. He started to take a step over but hesitated. Heiji looked terrified at being tied down and tried to struggle away from them, but they got him strapped in securely.

"Dad? Dad help!" he cried. He was scared. He didn't recognize anyone and his vision was cloudy, blurring the outlines of the surrounding people. Where was he again? Why couldn't he remember? All he knew was that he was being strapped down, and he didn't want to be taken away from his father again. There was a sharp jab in his arm, sending shivers up his spine. It was cold. He could hear the voices around him but he couldn't make out the words.

The doors slammed, closing him in. He squirmed, trying to free himself from the straps. But he couldn't gather enough strength to do it. He clenched his fists and tried to calm himself. He was shaking uncontrollably. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't find his voice. Finally, his vision faded to blackness.

---

Shinichi and Heiji shared a room in the hospital. Ran and Kazuha visited everyday, and Heizo exercised his rights as a police officer and came after visiting hours were over. He couldn't get his son's cries for help out of his head. But now he slept peacefully, unconscious for three days. Snow had fallen outside, and there was beautiful view from their window on the third floor.

Shinichi hadn't awoken either. He suffered severe head trauma from the blow he'd received and the doctors had no idea when he'd awaken. Heiji suffered from stress and emotional damage, it seemed. Neither of the boys ever even stirred as they lay dormant in the hospital beds.

Kazuha currently sat in between the two beds, a book in her lap. She was reading aloud to the two boys, in hope that it might help them wake up. They hadn't stirred yet, but she still had hope. Ran was down in the cafeteria, taking a lunch break.

"And they lived happily ever after. The end," she said pleasantly. She snapped the book closed. She sighed as she realized nether boy had moved. It was incredibly depressing, sitting between her best friend since childhood and her other best friend's love. Her secret crush on Heiji wasn't helping. She held back tears as she watched the unmoving teens in silence.

"You have a beautiful voice," someone's husky voice whispered. She looked around frantically. Neither of the boys had moved. Her eyes shot towards the door and caught a glimpse of black. She ran to the door and found that the hall was empty.

---

**Someone** - You think it's great? Really? Why're you reviewing for chapter one?

**Sphinx** - Thanks! Here's the new chapter

**Firestorm2004** - Thanks for reviewing!

**eclipse** - Why are you laughing? It isn'tmeant to be funny!

**Tant** - Nope, no bad cliffhanger last time! Can't say the same here, can I?

**PRIVATE** - Yes, you have been a great help! Thanks!


	11. Beloved Boyfriend

Sorry about the delay... I was kinda failing science for a while and was using all my spare time on extra credit - Won't happen again, promise!

**How I Feel**

**Chapter the eleventh: Beloved Boyfriend**

Two days later, Ran sat in Heiji and Shinichi's hospital room, slouched back and half sleeping. She was incredibly tired and worried. Her body wanted sleep but her brain was too active to rest. Her back was sore and she felt like her legs would fall off. But she didn't want to be asleep if they woke up.

There hadn't been any signs of awakening though. Both of them lay flat in their beds, unmoving except for the slow rising and falling of their chests as they breathed.

Ran gently caressed Shinichi's face. His skin was cold as ice. The rhythmic beating of the heart monitor was her only reassurance that he was alive. She wasn't sure he would ever wake up. She could only hope. She sighed heavily and stood, leaving the room to find Kazuha.

---

Heiji blinked and looked around. He was in an unfamiliar place. Everything was dark. He could only hear his own heavy breathing. Nothing else. He was alone. The floor echoed as he walked. A strange mist swirled around his feet.

"Hello?" he called. "Is – Is anyone here?" he got no answer. He walked through the mist slowly, searching for someone. He was freezing. His breath was visible in front of his face. He shivered and rubbed his arms.

He wandered around, but no one was there with him. Wherever he was, it was empty. And there was no way out. There were no walls or doors or ceiling. It was all nothing. Like he was walking through somewhere that didn't exist. Destined to be alone. Forever.

He was breathing heavier now. His lungs were having trouble getting air. The mist swirled around his legs angrily. He gripped his arms just below his shoulders, trying to keep out the cold. The mist wrapped around him like ropes, keeping him still, unmoving. He couldn't move if he wanted to. He couldn't breath. He was having some sort of panic attack. He screamed.

"HELP ME!"

But no one heard. And no one came to help. He squirmed and thrashed, but he couldn't get out of the strong hold of the invisible force. Memories flashed through his mind, images on a projection screen. He screamed again

"Someone help me, please! I – I can't breathe!" he screamed. His cries went unanswered. All he could do was watch all the good and bad times flash across his eyes.

---

Heizo looked up as the slow, rhythmic beating of his son's heart suddenly sped up. He got to his feet quickly as a cold sweat formed on Heiji's forehead and his face contorted with pain and discomfort. He slammed his fist down on the 'call nurse' button when Heiji clenched his eyes shut tightly and arched his back.

A nurse ran in. At the sight of Heizo trying to restrain a thrashing Heiji, she stuck her head out the door and shouted for help. Doctors and nurses rushed in and surrounded him, shoving Heizo out of the way. He couldn't see what they were doing. All he wanted was to see his son.

---

Heiji jumped as his heart suddenly constricted. He took a sharp intake of breath and tried to force air into his lungs. He fell to his knees, gasping. His heart raced in his chest, trying to keep him alive.

'_Dad, help me! Anyone! Kazuha? Kudou?' _he thought desperately. Recent images flashed across his eyes, forcing him to relive painful moments. He clenched his eyes closed tightly as he felt all the pain from his beating by the man in black. He shook his head wildly, trying to get rid of the memories, but to no avail.

"Stop!" he cried.

---

Heiji's eyes snapped in open, startling the doctor. The nurses backed away slightly, giving the boy some air. He gasped for breath, letting his lungs fill up with sweet oxygen. His chest stung slightly and he realized the painful constricting of his heart was a machine forcing air into his lungs. He coughed roughly and finally his breathing slowed. He let his head fall to the side and his eyes drift half closed. The doctor performed a few tests before finally nodding and leaving, followed by the nurses.

His raspy breathing was loud in his ears. His vision blurred and he felt his hair plastered to his forehead from the cold sweat. He was totally numb. It was impossible to move, even if he wanted to. He shivered involuntarily.

"Heiji?" Heizo tried worriedly. Heiji's eyes widened and he looked over through his peripheral vision. His father took his seat back next to the bed and faced his son. Heiji looked at him tiredly and his lips turned up at the corners. He opened his mouth to talk but found he had no voice. So he just used all of his strength and inched his left hand closer. Heizo got the hint and took his son's hand in his.

Heiji smiled slightly. It was nice to be alive.

"I'm so sorry dad," he whispered.

"Don't be, you did nothing wrong," Heizo said in a surprisingly gentle tone. He squeezed the boy's hand comfortingly and Heiji fell into a deep sleep.

---

"Heiji!" Kazuha exclaimed as she ran into the hospital room, out of breath. He didn't look up, which worried her slightly. She looked at him concerned and walked up slowly. His head was tilted to the side, his cheek resting on the soft white pillow. She smiled softly and sat next to the sleeping boy. She looked behind her at the still unconscious Shinichi and sighed.

Ran had also heard about Heiji waking up. She seemed happy, but heartbroken at the same time. She was happy Heiji had awoken, but sad that Shinichi hadn't. They were assured he would wake up eventually, they just didn't know when exactly. She looked back at Heiji and smiled.

He looked so innocent, lying in the hospital bed, sleeping. His lips were parted slightly and his breathing was soft. The slight glare of light on the white pillows made him look like a sleeping angel. She took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. His eyelid twitched slightly but he didn't wake up. His heart monitor beeped steadily, and she soon found her heart beating in harmonization with his. She smiled at his sleeping form and felt tears welling up in her eyes. She released his hand and wiped them away, sniffling. She started when she felt a gentle hand on her face. She looked down, startled.

"No more tears," Heiji whispered, wiping her lower eyelids with his thumb. She placed a hand over his and held it to her face. He smiled softly and tried to blink back his own tears. She laughed quietly and released his hand. His hand gently slid sown her face, tickling her cheek with his fingers.

"Oh Heiji," she sniffled. "I didn't think you'd ever wake up."

"Don't I always?" he whispered, smiling. She smiled a watery smile and wiped tears from his cheeks. They sat for a long time and cried together.

---

Ran sighed wistfully as she sat between the two sleeping teenagers. She'd had a long conversation with Heiji, but he was soon overcome with exhaustion and had fallen asleep. Shinichi hadn't awoken yet. It was two weeks after they had been saved from the evil men in black. Ran was worried. There had to be something wrong.

The doctor said Shinichi hadn't slipped into a coma. If he wasn't in a coma, why was he still asleep? Doctors were baffled, and even Kogoro found himself vexed about the younger detective. She placed a gentle kiss on his forehead and stood up, leaving the room quietly.

She went straight home. She'd been avoiding Kentaro and promised to meet him for dinner. She changed into a light green dress and pulled her hair into a braid before heading to the diner. Kentaro greeted her brightly with a wave and a smile.

"Hey Ran," he said joyfully. She did her best to smile back. "How have you been?"

"It's been," she thought for a moment, "Terrible. Shinichi's sick still."

"Aw, I sure am sorry Ran," he said. "But you said yourself he was a jerk."

"That doesn't mean I don't care," she argued.

"Well if you hate him so much you shouldn't care," he said back. She fumed.

"I do not hate him, I never will!" she snapped. "I love him!"

"You said yourself that he never even called you, never stopped by," Kentaro said loudly.

"You don't know him at all!" she shot back.

"I only know what you tell me," he growled. She shook her head disgustedly and stood up. She slung her purse over her shoulder and walked out of the restaurant. He growled in frustration and followed her. She kept many paces ahead of him and turned up her nose when he tried to talk to her. She made her way through the hospital doors and into the elevator.

"Ran – wait!" he called. She smirked at him and jammed her finger on the button. The doors closed silently, blocking his way to her. He growled impatiently and turned on his heel.

Ran smirked widely and relaxed, knowing she'd lost him. Who needed him anyway? It wasn't like she actually cared for him. She only wanted Shinichi right now. She exited the elevator and headed into their room. Heiji was awake, sitting up in the bed with a book in his lap. He looked up as she walked in and smiled.

"Hey Ran," he greeted. She gave a short look of longing towards her unconscious love and took the seat next to Heiji's bed he closed the book and set it down next to his legs.

"Hi Heiji," she smiled. "How are you feeling today?"

"Just fine, thanks," he said, adjusting himself on the bed to get more comfortable. He saw her eyes go distant as her mind wandered. He took her hand gently and looked at her with sympathy. She looked at her lap, ashamed.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's okay Ran," he assured. "And he'll be okay. The doctor said he's showing signs of improvement."

"And what about you Heiji? When will you get to leave this horrid place?" Ran asked, smiling slightly. He laughed and shook his head.

"Hopefully soon!" he chuckled. "They won't let me leave!" Ran laughed.

"You're pretty eager, aren't you?" she asked.

"A little. Hospitals give me the creeps," he said. She nodded.

"Yeah. Shinichi never liked them either," she said. She frowned slightly and looked away. He squeezed her hand gently. They both looked over as someone rushed through the door. Ran scowled darkly. Kentaro wheezed and leaned against the wall, trying to catch his breath.

"Ran!" he exclaimed. "Come on, just listen to me."

"I have nothing more to say to you. Now please leave," Ran spat venomously. He scowled.

"I'll leave but I want you to come with me," he said, gripping her upper arm. She yanked her arm back and stood up. Heiji released her hand and pushed himself up straighter, glaring at Kentaro.

"Don't touch me!" she snapped. He reached for her again, but stopped, his head jerking foreword. He spun around, looking about frantically. He didn't see anyone there. Heiji also looked surprised. He knew who it was however, and was extremely relieved. Ran shrieked when she noticed and Kentaro finally found who had thrown the book at him. Kogoro sneered at the teenager.

"Get out," he growled. Kentaro glared but brushed past him on his way out. Ran bit her lip.

"I'm sorry dad, I didn't know," she apologized. He shook his head.

"It's alright," he said. "Come on, I want you home tonight."

"Okay, bye Heiji," she said. She kissed his forehead gently and followed her father out of the room. Heiji watched her go, frowning slightly. He still felt uneasy about that Kentaro. He slid down under the blankets and closed his eyes.

---

Heiji opened his eyes and frowned. He couldn't recognize anything around him. He was no longer in the hospital. He was in the same dark place he was in before regained consciousness. The eerie fog floated around his ankles, making him shiver involuntarily. What would happen this time?

He wandered around, carefully stepping through the mist as though afraid to anger it. The place seemed to be empty again, but there was no way to be sure. The floor just stretched on and on, never stopping. The mist glowed faintly, giving him enough light to find his way around. He stopped suddenly, squinting.

A pale light shown ahead. It was like a beam coming down from the ceiling. He blinked and realized the beam was shining on a figure huddled on the ground, shaking. He stepped closer slowly, confused and concerned.

"Hello?" he called. His voice echoed cacophonously through the room. The figure trembled and didn't answer. Heiji walked foreword slowly and got closer and closer to the form curled up on the floor. As he got nearer, he saw it was a teenaged boy, his age. He couldn't see what he looked like because he was curled up into a ball, with his arms covering his face as though expecting to be struck. He kneeled down slowly and put a hand on the boy's shoulder.

The boy jerked away with a startled cry and trembled harder. Heiji's eyes widened concernedly, and he tried to talk to the terrified boy.

"Hey," he said. "Who are you?" The boy, who had been covering his face with his forearms, didn't reply but kept shaking. He was clutching his hair with his hands so hard his knuckled were turning white. Heiji gripped the boy's wrists tightly and pulled his hands away from his face. His eyes widened even more when he saw the boy's appearance.

---

**kristanite **- Ummm... 'kay

**Sadie Janelle **- Why thank you

**PRIVATE** - Well, sure!I'd love to,I can totally do that

**conan **- Here's the latest

**Tant** - You's be think right...

**kudo** - It's right here!


	12. One Step Closer

**How I Feel**

**Chapter the twelfth: One Step Closer**

"Please don't kill me," Shinichi begged, tears falling down his cheeks. Heiji's grip on his friend's wrists slackened. More tears ran down Shinichi's pale face as he wrenched his hands back and covered his face again. Heiji's shoulders slumped as he stared in shock for a few minutes.

"Kudou it's me!" he exclaimed. "Hattori Heiji!"

"No, you aren't real," Shinichi whimpered, clamping his hands tightly over his ears and squeezing his eyes shut. "You aren't real!"

"I'm real, I am!" Heiji insisted. Shinichi shook his head wildly.

"No…" he moaned. "It isn't real!"

"Kudou!" Heiji said gruffly. He shook the boy's shoulders and forced him to look into his eyes.

"It's not real, it's never real," Shinichi whispered.

"What are you talking about?" Heiji asked.

"You always come back but you're never really there," Shinichi cried. "It's always them again! Come to finish me off!"

"It really is me Shinichi," Heiji said. He pulled his friend toward him and embraced him tightly. "It's okay."

"I want to believe you," Shinichi sobbed into his shirt. "I want to so bad!"

"Shinichi," Heiji whispered. "Wake up."

---

Shinichi's eyes snapped open. He breathed heavily and tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes. He found he was gripping the bed sheets tightly and released them slowly. It was dark and the strong smell of disinfectant was making him gag. He turned his head slightly but winced and turned it back to the ceiling again.

He was lying down, he knew that. He turned his gaze, trying to see what his surroundings were, but it was too dark to see. Something was covering his eyes. He started to reach up to take it off, but his arm wouldn't make it to his face.

Thinking he was tied down, he started thrashing wildly. There was a sharp pain near his upper wrist and he whimpered. He yanked harshly and winced as his arm was freed. Hot, wet liquid ran down his arm, making him shudder. He raised his hands to his face and found thick bandages wrapped around his head, blocking his eyes.

He fingered the bandages for a few minutes before grasping them tightly and yanking at them harshly. He grunted when they came loose and tore them off the rest of the way. He looked around again, but found it was still dark.

'_Why is it so dark here?'_ he wondered. He shoved the blankets off of him and crawled over the guard rail and of the bed. He swayed unsteadily on his feet and clutched the rail firmly to keep from falling. He ran his hands across the cool metal railing and shuffled across the tile floor.

The tiles were making his feet cold. He ignored the uncomfortable tingling on his bleeding wrist as he walked. He tripped over something on the floor and fell, hard. He groaned as he hit the floor. Hurried footsteps were heard from somewhere close, muffled by a wall or a door. He tensed and scrambled to his hands and knees, crawling away from the spot.

He hit a table of some sort and winced as a lamp jingled on the top and fell to the floor. It shattered horrifically loud, stinging Shinichi's ears. He cried out and clamped his hands over his ears, clenching his eyes shut. He heard a faint voice and loosened his hands slightly.

"What the –? Shinichi?" Heiji's voice asked. His breathing became more labored. There was quick rustling and suddenly someone was next to him. It was Heiji.

"What's happening?" Shinichi asked, sounding scared. "Why is it so dark?!" Heiji paused, scared himself.

"It – It isn't – oh," his voice faltered and he wrapped Shinichi in a tight hug. Shinichi's eyes welled up with tears and he buried his face in Heiji's shoulder and wrapped his arms around him, returning the embrace gratefully. Heiji embraced his sobbing friend and didn't let go. He closed his eyes forcefully, blocking his own tears from falling.

Neither looked up as the door opened and a man and a doctor rushed in. Heizo saw both beds empty and quickly scanned the room. His eyes softened as he saw the two teens in the corner of the room.

He'd heard the loud crash of glass breaking and a cry of pain and had quickly run to find the nearest doctor. It didn't even cross his mind that Kudou would be awake. But there they were, kneeling on the floor, Shinichi sobbing and Heiji shuddering with suppressed sobs. The doctor smiled slightly and ran from the room. Heizo took a hesitant step forward.

Heiji looked up slightly and noticed his father. He couldn't stop the tears from falling as he saw the pity in his father's eyes. He let out a broken sob and dropped his gaze, squeezing Shinichi tighter to him and crying into his shoulder. Heizo left the room and returned just minutes later with Ran in tow. Heizo knelt next to Heiji slowly while Ran practically flew to Shinichi's side. Heizo gently separated the boys and held his son close.

Ran pulled Shinichi to her and allowed him to cry into her shirt. He seemed to recognize her. He whispered her name quietly and hugged her back just as tightly.

"Oh Shinichi," she whispered. "I was so worried."

"Ran," he moaned, clenching his eyes closed. "Ran…"

"Its okay, Shinichi," she sniffed. "I'm here, I'm here."

"Ran," he sobbed quietly. He repeated her name over and over, as if he didn't believe she was actually there. The doctor returned and she gently coaxed him back into bed. The doctor replaced Shinichi's IV and ran a few tests. Finally, he injected something into Shinichi's arm and waited for a few seconds. The boy's eyes fluttered closed.

When he finished, he motioned Ran to follow him as he left. She complied, as did Heizo. The doctor sighed and fiddled with his clipboard and his paperwork.

"He's alright, or he will be," the doctor started. "But his head trauma seems to have caused prolonged loss of sight. I'm not sure how long it will last."

"But he will be able to see again?" Ran asked. The doctor frowned.

"There is no way to tell. It could be days or weeks. Months even. Maybe never," the doctor said gravely. Ran looked ready to cry. The doctor gave her a weak smile before turning on his heel and going to check on another patient. Ran stood silently for a few moments, then burst into tears and ran top speed down the hallway. Heizo hesitated and inaudibly made his way back into the hospital room. That night, all was quiet.

---

Days passed. Heiji and Shinichi were allowed to leave. Shinichi was staying with Ran and Kogoro as he healed. He was always quiet and stared blankly off into space. Ran was saddened by how depressed Shinichi was, but it was understandable.

His head wound had healed nicely, as did the shot from the tranquilizer. If he ever had spoken, it would be easy for anyone to tell that he was keeping his emotions locked up inside.

He was scared. Now that he was blind, there was no stopping anyone of his many enemies from attacking him. There was no way he could do anything to fight back if he couldn't even see his attacker in the first place. He was afraid to even step outside, not knowing who could be out there, just waiting for him to be alone. Vulnerable. Helpless.

The men in black had never been caught. They were still out there, probably watching him. He knew they wouldn't stop until he was dead. Heiji worried as well. He would never admit to anyone that he was actually scared of course, but it didn't stop him from being tormented by horrific nightmares. He woke up in a cold sweat every night fighting back the screams of horror that threatened to wrench out of his throat.

His dreams were always bloody and gruesome. He would always see Shinichi, lying dead and decapitated on the ground, staring up at him with blank eyes. He could always feel the pain as they tortured him for their sick pleasure. And the last thing he saw were their sick grins of laughter as the raised a revolver and trained it between his eyes. He woke up before he actually died every time.

Heiji was exhausted. It was obvious to everyone that he wasn't getting sleep. Black bags were constantly under his bloodshot eyes. Kazuha kept him in bed all day, sitting next to him with a smile on her face. He was thankful she spent all her time with him.

Currently, he was fighting to stay awake. Exhaustion was winning. After about five minutes of struggling with his mind, he finally drifted off to sleep.

---

Heizo burst through the door of the Hattori house with a scowl on his face. It had been a very hard and stressful day at the station and he was very tired. He poured himself a cup of hot coffee and sat down on the sofa. He sighed in relief and closed his eyes.

He was startled out of his silent calm when he heard a crash form Heiji's bedroom. He opened his eyes slowly and listened intently. There was faint rustling and quiet whimpers coming from his room as well. He stood gradually and walked over to his son's closed bedroom door. He put his hand on the doorknob and opened the door quietly.

Heiji was thrashing violently on the bed. Low whimpers escaped his slightly parted lips as he lashed out at an invisible attacker on the bed. Heizo walked swiftly over to the bed and grabbed Heiji's wrists tightly. Heiji shrunk back, tugging on his wrists futilely and uttering a low moan of protest.

"Wake up, Heiji," he whispered gruffly. "Wake up." But Heiji didn't wake up. He tried to yank his arms out of his father's strong grip but to no avail. Heizo's voice grew steadily louder, trying to pull his son out of the dream. Heiji screamed.

---

There they were again. The three men in black and the woman. Gin, Vodka, Rum, Martini. All had large smiles on their faces. Shinichi lay unmoving at their feet, eyes wide and mouth open in a silent scream. Blood pooled beneath him. A dark stain on the front of his best friend's T-shirt told him he was shot from front. He backed up slowly but ran into a wall.

He fell to his knees and tried to make himself as small as possible. They advanced slowly, menacingly. He cried out when two strong arms grabbed him and hauled him to his feet. They forced him onto a cold, metal table and strapped him down, grinning all the while.

He whimpered as a thick cloth was shoved into his mouth roughly, successfully cutting off his screams. He twisted and squirmed, trying in vain to release himself from the bonds. Someone tore his shirt down the front, popping off al the buttons and tearing the thin material savagely. He screamed into his gag as he felt a cool knife being impaled into his stomach. He clenched his eyes shut and tried to curl into himself, but his legs were tied down tightly.

He clenched his hands into tight fists as they yanked out the blade swiftly and held it to his throat. He tried to pull away, but he couldn't. Whoever it was laughed coldly at his struggles and made a deep but small cut on his neck. It bled heavily and stung horribly. He recognized the man at last as Rum took away the blade and climbed up onto the table.

Rum straddled the terrified boy's waist and lowered himself down so he was lying on top of him. He licked the bleeding wound on Heiji's neck slowly, digging his tongue deeper and making it bleed heavier. Rum didn't seem to notice that Heiji's blood was soaking into his clothes, or he didn't care. Heiji clenched his eyes shut tightly and shook his head back and forth violently. Rum laughed.

"Kill him," the two simple words echoed through the room, making Heiji struggled harder, whimpering and moaning through the gag. Rum pulled his mouth away from Heiji's throat and smiled widely, exposing his teeth stained with Heiji's blood. Heiji wanted to be sick.

Rum's bulky hands wrapped around his thin neck and squeezed tightly, blocking off air supply. He gasped and writhed underneath the large man desperately, but Rum held strong. Rum squeezed harder, applying extreme pressure and snapping his collarbone. Heiji's vision clouded and his eyes rolled back into his head.

---

"HEIJI!" Heizo screamed. Heiji twitched and lay motionless. His eyes fluttered open slowly and he gazed unseeingly at Heizo. He stared down at his son, eyes wide, waiting for him to do something. Heiji seemed to finally get his vision back and stared into his father's eyes, a look of horror marring his handsome features.

"Oh dad," he whispered brokenly. He curled up into a tight ball and squeezed his eyes shut. Heizo's shoulders slumped. He reached out but Heiji shook his head violently and pulled away.

"Heiji," he started, but Heiji shook his head harder.

"Just leave me alone, please," he whimpered. Heizo sighed and turned, leaving the room. He couldn't handle this. Heiji needed his mother or someone that could help that was sensitive. But his mother was gone, across the ocean to America for vacation. So he had to get the next best thing.

---

Kazuha and Ran waited anxiously in the living room of the Mouri house. Heiji was coming to stay for a while because his father was having some trouble. He'd told them Heiji was having trouble sleeping, and when he did he always woke up screaming or crying.

The front door opened and Kogoro ushered Heiji in. Kogoro left after, to go on a case out of the country. Heiji smiled brightly, but they could see the pain in his eyes as he walked up and sat next to them.

"So," he said, breaking the awkward silence. "What's happening?"

"Heiji," Ran started gently, "You look awful."

"Ran," Kazuha whispered, scolding quietly.

"How's Kudou holding up?" Heiji asked. Ran frowned, saddened suddenly.

"He's in the bedroom. He hasn't been doing well. Being blind hit him hard," she said forlornly. Heiji's smile slipped off his face slightly.

"Think he'll be okay?" he asked.

"I don't know. I just don't know," Ran replied.

"I'll try to talk to him," Heiji said. He got up slowly and walked down the hall to the bedroom and knocked gently. There was no answer. He knocked harder, but still got no answer. Sighing, he turned the doorknob and entered. Shinichi stared blankly out the window.

Heiji slowly walked up and stood behind him. He knew Shinichi wasn't seeing anything outside, but he followed his friend's blank stare and watched as the sun set slowly. Shinichi didn't seem to notice he was there, or if he did he didn't say anything. They stood in silence for a while when finally Heiji spoke.

"How are you holding up?" he asked. Shinichi sighed.

"Not good," he replied quietly.

"Well at least we're being honest," Heiji smiled. Shinichi smiled sadly and shifted in his chair. Heiji let out a quiet sigh.

"I'm sorry," he said finally.

"Sorry? Sorry for what?" Shinichi asked curiously, looking back in the general direction of Heiji's voice. Heiji gently turned Shinichi's head so he was looking in his unseeing eyes. Shinichi blushed a little.

"I'm sorry I didn't do anything to stop them. I could've prevented it; I could have saved you from being blind. But I didn't," Heiji said, talking through the lump in his throat. "And for that I'm sorry."

"You have no reason to be sorry. I probably deserved it," he said, laughing slightly. Heiji smiled.

"No, you didn't deserve it," he said.

"Don't blame yourself. It could've happened to anyone," Shinichi said. "It just so happens fate picked me as the lucky winner. It'll be fine."

"I hope you're right, Kudou. I hope you're right."

"Everything will be fine as long as we're careful," Shinichi said. "They'll never find us."

But they weren't careful enough.

---

**Wow! I've never had so many reviews for one chapter before! THANKS!!!**

Sadie Janelle - Thank You!

Meitantei Mystery - Well the mysterous figure spoke to Kazuha, but you will find out who it is laaaaaattteeeerrrr

Tant - Yup! lol thanks for reviewing

Jimmysgrl - Here it is! (Haven't gone insane yet, have you?)

kindempress - thanks for reviewing

Windchaser90 - Shuichi? You mean Shinichi? Well if youdid, you were right!

Firestorm2004 - Thanks for reviewing!

Southpaw - Yes he did! LOL

PRIVATE - Not temporary, no. it was the real antidote, you'll see...

kristanite - Did you even read the chapter?

Inumaru12 - here it is!


	13. Unwanted Meetings

Hi all! Sorry for the delay, but I've been a bit busy lately.

**I have a question:**

What is Author Alert? I couldn't figure out what it is, so if you could tell me I'll be eternally grateful.

**And to note:**

There will only be two more chapters after this for this story. It'll cut off at the worst place, but there will be a sequel coming up. Please stick with me - I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but I promise not to be too long!

**On with the story!**

**How I Feel**

**Chapter the thirteenth: Unwanted Meetings**

A few weeks went by without incident. Heiji finally got over his nightmares, and Shinichi was getting accustomed to being blind. He could find his way around the house, using a cane supplied by the hospital. It brought a smile to Ran's lips whenever she saw his confident smile as he walked, tapping the cane on the ground.

Ai had disappeared. No one could figure out where she went. Agasa said she'd gone missing a day or two before Heiji was kidnapped. Shinichi tried to ignore the nagging suspicion she'd had something to do with the kidnapping, but he really didn't know much about the shrunken girl.

Heiji spent most of his time with Kazuha, who felt she needed to be wherever Heiji was. He was appreciative, but he wished he could just talk to her once in a while and have a normal conversation.

Each of the boys had scars. External scars marred the skin on their wrists from the ropes and a small dot on each their necks from the tranquilizer. Shinichi also had a thin, slightly protruding, scar above his right eye. Both were scarred internally, scarred with thoughts of fear and pain and death they knew was awaiting them if the men in black ever found them. Neither could forget, no matter how hard the tried, what had happened on that night.

"Good morning Shinichi," Ran greeted as he walked into the kitchen. She served him a plate of pancakes and sat next to him. Shinichi smiled then frowned.

"Where are Hattori and Kazuha?" he asked.

"They went back home, didn't they tell you?" Ran asked. Shinichi froze.

"What?" he inquired nervously.

"They left this morning to go back to Osaka. I can't believe you didn't know," she said thoughtfully. Shinichi licked his lips. They wouldn't just leave without telling him, would they?

"When are they leaving?" he asked. Ran checked her watch.

"In about an hour and a half," she replied. "Why?"

"Take me to them," he said, pulling on his jacket. She stood and pulled on a sweatshirt, then took his hand and led him to her car.

---

"Kazuha are you sure we're supposed to meet your dad here?" Heiji asked for the millionth time. She sighed.

"I'm telling you, he called yesterday and said to meet him at the airport so he could meet us and we could all go together. Where could he be?" she asked, getting increasingly frustrated. Heiji gently took her hand and entwined their fingers, trying to comfort her. She blushed brightly and looked over at him.

"Sorry," he muttered embarrassedly releasing her fingers. She shook her head and gave his hand a squeeze. They said nothing, just sat together on the bench in the airport lobby. After a while, Kazuha rested her head on Heiji's shoulder and fell into a light doze.

They waited for hours, but Mr. Toyama never showed up. Kazuha was curled up against Heiji, and both teens were sleeping soundly with Kazuha resting her head on his shoulder. His head was leaning gently on hers and had one arm wrapped securely around her waist. Many a passerby stopped to gaze at the two hopelessly in love teenagers.

Heiji and Kazuha slept, lost in their warm, safe dream world for a long time.

However, they weren't as safe as they thought.

---

"Shinichi what do you think we're going to find? Even if we do catch them, they're going home! Everyone needs to go home after a while you know. Why are you so nervous?" Ran asked as she drove her car to the airport.

"I don't know. I just have a bad feeling that's all," he replied. "Hurry."

"You don't think they're in some kind of trouble do you?" Ran asked worriedly. Shinichi shrugged.

"I just hope I'm wrong," was all he said. She frowned and kept the car going. They didn't say anything more until Ran pulled up and parked the car. Shinichi quickly opened his door and got out. Ran walked around and took his hand, leading him through the crowds of people.

"Excuse me," she said as they suddenly stopped. "We're looking for a boy and a girl from Osaka, they said they were meeting someone here, have they gone yet?"

"Yeah I sees 'em. They was hea, but they gots taken away," the woman said with a bad accent and horrible grammar. Shinichi's heart tightened.

"See?" Ran said matter-of-factly to Shinichi.

"Who picked them up?" Shinichi asked. The woman thought for a moment.

"Well, both o' them falled asleep right on the bench there," she said, pointing. "Looked like little angels, they did. It was so sweet. An' then these two mans came up all dressed in black, they was. They got up all real close and seemed to be whisperin', then one o' them picked up the girl and the other picked up the boy and they was off."

"Men in black?" Shinichi asked, his unseeing eyes widening.

"Yeah, one was blonde with a big nose, and the othah was shortah with darkah skin. Mighty strange they was," the elderly woman said. Shinichi tugged on Ran's hand.

"That's them," he whispered. "Those are the guys."

"What? The ones that kidnapped you?" she asked, frightened. He nodded.

"We have to find them," he said. She nodded and dragged him out of the building.

"But where do we look?" Ran asked. She released his hand momentarily and cupped her face in her hands. Shinichi put a hand on her back soothingly.

"It'll be okay," he assured her. She nodded. Shinichi turned his head as he heard whispers. He couldn't see anyone, but he could sense someone was there. He turned and walked slowly, clicking his cane gently on the ground every few steps. The whispers stopped and it was all quiet. He waited, not moving, not breathing.

Suddenly, there was a gasp and a dull thud as Ran hit the ground behind him. He spun around and started for her, but was stopped when a cloth was placed over his mouth and an arm wound around his arms and chest. He tried to pull away, but he was held firmly. His eyes closed against their will and he fell limply against the strong body of a man behind him. The last thing he heard was his cane falling to the ground with a clatter before he fell into nothingness.

---

When he awoke, he found himself lying on a cold surface. He also found he was tied up tightly around his chest with his wrists bound firmly behind his back. He coughed weakly, trying to ignore the smell and taste of chloroform out of his mouth. A voice spoke from somewhere to his left.

"It's about time you woke up," Heiji said. Shinichi shook his head slightly and clenched his eyes shut.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Chloroform got the better of both of us it seems," Heiji replied dryly. "We're in some kind of cell. Rusty. Old. Looks like a prison."

"You tied up?" Shinichi asked croakily.

"Yeah. I'm handcuffed to the bars, you're just tied up. Looks like fishing wire," Heiji said.

"Goody," Shinichi muttered.

Heiji shifted uncomfortably. His hands were being held above his head, causing all the blood to drain out and his arms to lose feeling. He didn't know how long he'd been there, his arms extended above his head against their will, but he knew it had to be hours.

It had been just moments after he woke up when the cell door opened and they'd tossed the motionless body of Kudou Shinichi in next to him. The only movement Shinichi made at all was the sharp rising and falling of his chest as he gasped for breath. He'd waited for a long time, doing anything he could to try and wake up his unconscious friend, but it the end he'd just given up. He was getting tired again, but forced himself awake when he saw Shinichi stirring.

Now they were there, Heiji sitting and Shinichi lying down, alone in a cell in a place they didn't want to be. Shinichi was coughing.

"Are you okay?" Heiji asked, sounding a little concerned.

"I'm fine," Shinichi gasped.

"No you aren't," Heiji said, pulling on the handcuffs in an attempt to free himself.

"I can't breathe," Shinichi moaned. He writhed on the ground in agony, trying to get oxygen into his lungs. The wires were too tight. He would die from lack of oxygen. That's probably what the men in black wanted anyway. Footsteps echoed down the hall and halted in front of the cell. Soft laughter rang in Heiji's ears as he looked up at Vodka in horror. The sick man actually found it amusing to see Shinichi suffer.

The cell door creaked as rattled as the door slid open. Vodka entered the cell and cut the fishing wire with a knife he'd pulled out of his pocket. Shinichi took deep, gasping breaths as oxygen filled his lungs. Vodka grasped the boy's bleeding wrists roughly and handcuffed him with his arms above his head, in the exact fashion as Heiji. Shinichi struggled and kicked, but Vodka put the cool blade of the knife to his throat and he froze.

"If you value your life then you'll keep your feet to yourself, you hear me?" Vodka threatened. Shinichi pulled away slightly, breathing heavily. Vodka chuckled softly and stood.

"Burn in Hell," Shinichi spat. Vodka backhanded the boy sharply, causing blood to erupt from the boy's mouth and nose.

"Watch your mouth," Vodka hissed. He laughed when Shinichi said nothing. "You learn quickly, detective. That's a good trait to have. You'll fit in nicely. And you'll do whatever I say. Do you understand?"

Shinichi said nothing still. Blood dribbled down his face, pouring from his nose and the corner of his mouth. He spat out a mouthful and coughed. Vodka growled and grabbed a fistful of Shinichi's hair, pulling their faces too close for comfort.

"Answer me, boy," he snarled. Shinichi spat blood in his face. Vodka roared in fury and backhanded him again. Blood sprayed onto the ground. "Do you understand?" Vodka demanded.

"Stop it!" Heiji cried. Vodka smacked Shinichi's bruised cheek again.

"You don't control me. Do you understand?" Shinichi mocked. Vodka brought his hand back again but was interrupted before he could strike.

"Enough!" a female voice snapped. Heiji breathed a sigh of relief. Vodka released Shinichi's hair and stepped back, wiping blood from his face.

"I'll deal with you later," he growled. He stormed from the cell, slamming the door behind him. After a few seconds, soft steps clicked on the ground and the woman revealed herself.

"You!" Heiji cried in disbelief.

**---**

**Fyliwion** - Yeah it is a little angsty... You're netname is very interesting by the way - what does it mean?

**OneDreamADay** - Yeah...Well they didn't forget about them...Shinichi and HEiji told them that Conan and Arthur were in a safe place, so they thought nothing of them.

**kindempress** - You'll just have to wait to find out, won't you? ::evil smile::

**DcLoVer0x** - I'm sorry for your friend -and that is what happened to him

**PRIVATE** - No you don't! And yeah, it probably would've been easier, but then Ran and Kazuha wouldnt have found them

**Tant** - You thought that was a bad cliffhanger? ::Looks up at last sentence::

**Julie-chan** - LOL! Sorry, no can do, not yet! **_AND SHINICHI AND HEIJI ARE JUST FRIENDS!_** Sorry if that wasn't clear before, but they are just really good friends, nothing more. Sorry if I was misleading there...

**Sadie Janelle** - I'm sorry! I'm sorry! ::eyes cliffhanger for this chapter:: I'm a dead woman, aren't I?

**Firestorm2004** - Yes, I did try to read yours and found myself clawing at my eyes trying to get over the stress of your cliffhangers! LOL, but It'll onlyget worse, I promise

**Southpaw** - Sorry 'bout that... It'll all work out in the end - pinky swear! (Yes, I am a 13 year old that still does pinky swears, so there)


	14. Crushed Hope

_Happy New Year!_

**REQUEST:** Could someone read my Harry Potter story? I started one...and had to bribe my best friend so she'd leave a review. Could someone please read it? I'm going to take it off if no one does, but I really dont want to because I think it'll be good. It's in my list of stories - check it out please!

**How I Feel**

**Chapter the fourteenth: Crushed Hope**

"You!" Heiji cried in disbelief. Ai shifted uncomfortably.

"Yes, me," she said. The cell door opened creakily again and Shinichi heard her footsteps come closer. Ai kneeled down next to Shinichi, avoiding Heiji's glare. She put a gentle hand on Shinichi's face and turned it to examine his rapidly swelling cheek. He pulled away from her tender touch in disgust.

"Don't touch me," he snapped. She sighed and pulled out a white handkerchief from the front pocket of her lab coat. She wiped away the blood on his face, ignoring his protests.

"I'm sorry about this Kudou," she whispered.

"Why did you do it?" he asked. "Why did you come back to them?"

"They threatened me!" she said indignantly. "I didn't want to. But they made an offer I couldn't refuse."

"What's that? Betray your friend and get a normal sized body?" Shinichi snapped angrily.

"It sounds bad when you say it like that," she said quietly.

"It sounds bad any way you say it, _Sherry_," he spat her code name like a curse word. She cleaned off the remaining blood from his face silently and got to her feet. As she closed the cell door, she looked up.

"I didn't want it to be this way. I didn't think it would get this far," she said, her voice cracking.

"Then why did you let it?" Shinichi asked venomously. She didn't answer, just locked the rusty padlock and walked away. Blood flowed out of Shinichi's nose still and down his arms, tickling his skin.

"Are you alright?" Heiji asked. Shinichi coughed.

"I'm fine," he said quietly.

"Maybe," Heiji started. He hesitated.

"What?" Shinichi asked.

"Maybe you shouldn't pick fight with them. It wouldn't be as bad for you," Heiji said slowly. Shinichi shifted.

"I guess," he said reluctantly. "But I don't like to show weakness."

"I know," Heiji whispered.

They sat in silence for what seemed like hours, before both boys finally fell asleep.

---

Shinichi awoke to a sharp kick to his stomach. He coughed and hunched forward slightly, the handcuffs keeping him in place. He clenched his eyes shut and gasped for breath. There was a soft clicking sound and his arms fell limply to his sides. He wrapped his arms around his stomach and curled up, trying to block out the pain from the blows that were raining down on him.

Finally, when he was too bloodied and beaten to move, someone grabbed his arms and forced him to walk out of the cell and through many hallways to a cold room, where he was forced into a chair. He slumped forward, but was pulled back and held upright by two firm, calloused hands.

"Sherry interrupted last night, but that isn't going to stop you from punishment," Vodka's voice floated through the room.

"We want you to have everything you need, so we had Sherry cook up a little something last night. Open your mouth," Gin's voice ordered. He clenched his teeth. Vodka smacked him again on his already swollen cheek. Dried blood already coated under his nose and his chin from the night before. Fresh blood spilled from his mouth and he felt it soaking into his shirt.

"Open your mouth!" Vodka bellowed, giving him a strong punch to the stomach. Shinichi cried out and instinctively tried to curl into himself. Vodka grabbed his face and forced his lips apart, spilling a liquid in then holding his mouth closed after. He swallowed against his will and Vodka took away his hand.

After a few moments, his eyes started to burn. He squirmed and struggled, but the hands holding him didn't let go. He screamed in intense agony and then the pain stopped. He fell limply against the back of the chair and closed his eyes.

"Very good. Now, let's see if it worked," Gin whispered. "Open your eyes, kid." Shinichi hesitated but opened his eyes slowly. He froze.

"Looks like it worked. Thank you Sherry, you're dismissed," Vodka smirked. Shinichi's breathing was getting heavier. It couldn't be possible, could it? No, no it couldn't happen like that. Vodka saw the fear on Shinichi's face and laughed evilly.

Shinichi blinked. He could see.

---

Later, Vodka dragged Shinichi back to the cell and handcuffed him to the wall tightly, reopening the wounds on his wrists. Deep crimson blood fell from the cuts, covering the dry reddish-black blood from the night before. He looked up into the coldhearted eyes of the blonde-haired man in fear.

"Have a nice rest, Kudou. Tomorrow is a big day," he said smiling. He turned and left. Shinichi pulled his legs up to his chest and rocked gently back and forth.

"Kudou, are you okay?" Heiji asked croakily. Shinichi looked up at his battered and bloodied fried and winced, half at the soreness in his whole body and half at Heiji's horrid state. One of his eyes was swollen and there was a deep gash on his cheek, which was bleeding down his face and staining his white T-shirt. Bruises dotted over his arms and neck, and Shinichi was sure there were more hidden under his clothes. He realized he couldn't look much better.

"You look horrible," he stated. Heiji looked at him oddly.

"You can see?" he asked. Shinichi's shoulders sagged and he nodded solemnly. "What's wrong?" Heiji asked.

"You don't know what I saw. And you don't want to know," Shinichi whispered.

"What?" Heiji whispered.

"It's awful. You don't know what they have up there all sorts of –," he broke off, shuddering. Heiji decided not to push the subject.

He wouldn't admit it, but he hurt all over. Kudou had been gone all day and when he was gone, there was no stopping them from beating him up, brutally. He was sure at least one rib was cracked, but the rest was just bruises that could be healed over time. Except for the cut on his cheek. He'd tried to fight back and they'd pulled a knife on him, slicing his cheek open.

Now Shinichi was back, and he looked horrible. He was bloody all over and had dried blood caked on his face and arms. Bruises covered the exposed flesh on his arms. By the way he was hunched over; Heiji knew they'd worked to give him as much pain as possible to his stomach and chest.

"Kudou!" Ai's voice interrupted his musings. He looked up and saw her standing there, grasping the bars in her hands and looking in with concern etched on her face.

"What do you want?" Shinichi whispered, not meeting her gaze.

"I wanted to see if you were alright," she said while unlocking the cell and sliding the door open. She hurried in and kneeled between them, first taking Heiji's chin in her hand and forcefully turning his head to examine the cut. She took a handkerchief from her pocket and pressed it to his face. He pulled away slightly but she held it firmly.

When the flow slowed, she took away the bloodied cloth and turned to Shinichi. He pulled away from her touch. She dampened the cloth with a water bottle and cleaned off the fresh and old blood from his face. He pulled away forcefully and spat at her.

"I don't need your help," he snapped. She pulled away and stood up haughtily. Her heels clicked on the cement floor as she walked out, slamming the door behind her.

"Fine. If you don't want my help, you can just sit down here and rot!" she hissed. She turned on her heel and walked briskly down the long hall and up the stairs. Shinichi was silent.

They were alone for a long time. Shinichi suspected it was night, because it got even colder. They could hear the pitter-patter of hail raining down on the house.

They could both see their breath floating in front of them as they shivered. Heiji's teeth chattered and he tried to curl up into himself to keep warm, but he got no warmth. Shinichi coughed. And he kept coughing, louder every time. He finally stopped when blood sprayed from his mouth and onto the floor. Heiji stared at Shinichi in horror, but Shinichi had fallen unconscious, blood steadily dripping from his slightly parted lips.

Heiji shook violently, part from cold and part from fear.

But it was only getting colder.

Three days passed by with similar treatment. They were awoken, and then beaten to unconsciousness. And it was always cold. By the fourth day, there was no way they could move if they tried. They had no broken bones, but lack of food and severe beatings made it almost impossible to move, so the organization stopped binding them with the handcuffs after the beatings.

Shinichi was sick. He wasn't getting any better with lack of nourishment or treatment either. He shivered constantly and was pale and sickly looking. Presently, Heiji had a soothing hand on his back as the two kneeled on their hands and feet, Shinichi vomiting blood on the cement floor. Both looked worse for the wear, bruised and exhausted, but Shinichi was worse by far.

He couldn't move by himself, nor could he speak. Heiji didn't know if he'd lost his voice or refused to speak, but whatever the reason, he hadn't said a word. Heiji dragged Shinichi away when he'd finished and they sat in the far corner of the cell, huddled together for warmth.

Ai hadn't come down anymore. Maybe she really didn't care. Perhaps if she had come down, she could've prevented Shinichi from getting so sick. But Heiji could tell from the look in Shinichi's eyes that he had lost hope. Shinichi had lost all hope of living to see sunlight again.

And so had Heiji.

**---**

**Hum dee dum dee dum...** ::Numerous evil glares:: **Um...I'm sorry? **

serenity-touched - Drama is fun!

Amanda - Yeah...that'll happen a lot in this story. Exceot this story is almost over ::Creepy Music::

Fyliwion - Well- Yeah actually, it is angsty now that i go back...but that's okay! (A/N: I LOVE YOUR PEN NAME! I can't get over how cool it is!)

Tant - Yes about that note...You arent going to like the emd of this story....But the sequel will be better and less angsty. Unless you want it to be of course

TheMeg - I try. (LOL)

Saide Janelle - Lol...thank you

Firestorm2004 - THANK YOU! I was like....Good? Bad? AHHHH! But thanks for telling me. Thanks for reviewing btw


	15. Realization

_Last Chapter!_

**How I Feel**

**Chapter the fifteenth: Realization**

---Five Days Prior---

Ran opened her eyes slowly. She didn't know where she was. She sat up bit by bit, rubbing a sore spot on her forehead. What had happened? Why was she lying on the side of the road like an old homeless person?

It all hit her like a ton of bricks. Those guys in black had snuck up on her and knocked her out with a chemical on a cloth. She looked around frantically for Shinichi, but she didn't see him. But she did see Kazuha, who was still asleep.

"Kazuha wake up!" she cried, shaking her friend's shoulders. Kazuha blinked tiredly and looked up at Ran, confused.

"What happened?" she asked groggily.

"They got Shinichi and Heiji," Ran said. Kazuha shot up from her spot and stared at Ran with wide eyes.

"No, you're wrong," she objected. "They can't have!"

"They did," Ran said tearfully. "I don't know what to do. I don't even know where we are!"

"Okay, just calm down," Kazuha said hysterically. "I said calm down!"

"Kazuha, snap out of it!" Ran snapped.

"Sorry," Kazuha apologized, blushing.

"We have to get to somewhere, anywhere but here. We need to find someone to help," Ran said, getting to her feet. Kazuha followed her example and stood. They wandered aimlessly down the snow covered dirt road, looking for signs of people anywhere. There was none.

"What do we do Ran?" Kazuha asked. "What do we do?"

"I don't know," Ran answered quietly.

They stopped walking and sat on the ground. It was getting dark, and it had begun to snow. They shivered silently, not knowing what to do. Suddenly, something caught Kazuha's eye.

"Ran do you see that light?" she asked. Ran squinted.

"Yeah, yeah I see it!" she exclaimed, sitting up. Kazuha got to her feet as the light got closer and separated into two lights. It was a car.

"Stop!" Kazuha screamed, waving her arms in the air. "Stop!" Ran stood up gradually as the car slowed and stopped in front of them. The person opened their car door and looked out, frowning. It was a boy, a teenager about their age.

"Hey," he said. "Why are you out here in the snow? It's bloody freezing!"

"We're lost. Can you give us a ride?" Ran asked.

"Sure, get in," the boy said, settling himself back in the driver's seat. They got in the back and the boy cranked up the heater. He drove for a while in silence, and then the girl in the front seat next to him turned around and gave them a bright smile.

"Hi," she said. "My name is Aoko. What's yours?"

"I'm Ran Mouri, this is Kazuha Toyama," Ran answered. The boy eyed them in the mirror.

"Mouri? Any relation to Mouri Kogoro?" he asked.

"My father," Ran said. The boy smirked.

"I'm Kaito Kuroba," he introduced. "Where are you off to?"

"The police station," Kazuha said. "As quickly as possible, please. It's an emergency." Aoko frowned.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Our friends were kidnapped, and we need to get them back before they're killed," Ran said. Kaito stared at them through the mirror.

"They're detectives," Kazuha said. "And they're probably dead by now."

"They aren't, Kazuha," Ran said. "Have faith."

All in the car were silent as Kaito drove them to the police station. Snow piled up on the car as they drove. Kazuha looked out the window wonderingly.

"Where were we?" she asked. Aoko looked back.

"You were in the middle of the forest," she said. Ran sighed.

"What were you doing in the middle of the forest?" Kazuha asked suspiciously.

"Can't two people take a drive through the woods in peace?" Kaito asked.

"Oh," Ran blushed. "Sorry for interrupting your date."

"Date?!" Aoko and Kaito exclaimed at once. "No way!"

"What?" Ran asked.

"We weren't on a date, Kaito just picked me up to take me home," Aoko said blushing.

"Oh, sorry," Ran apologized. Everyone went silent again. Finally, Kaito pulled to a stop in front of the police station. Kazuha and Ran got out of the car, thanking Kaito ad Aoko for the ride.

"Anytime," Kaito said with a smile, before driving off. Ran and Kazuha, still soaking wet, hurried into the police station.

No one was there. Kazuha and Ran walked in slowly, dripping water onto the smoothly tiled floor. Their shoes made gross squelching noises with every step they took, but no one was there to hear it. There was a loud cry from Inspector Megure's office. They dashed to it and threw open the door.

The officers and Kogoro were all crowded into the office, seemingly celebrating something. They cheered again, none of them noticing the sopping wet girls in the doorway.

"You're best case yet, Mouri," Megure congratulated, clapping Kogoro on the back. Kogoro laughed and started to respond when he saw Ran and Kazuha.

"Ran?" he asked in shock. He approached her quickly, tearing off his jacket and wrapping it around her shoulders. She clutched it to her, shivering. Another officer came up and wrapped a blanket around Kazuha.

"Sit, sit," Kogoro said, pushing Ran down onto the small sofa. She stood back up almost immediately.

"No dad, there's no time," she said.

"Calm down you'll get yourself sick," he said, pushing hr back down. Kazuha sat next to her, but Ran refused to stay down.

"We have to find Shinichi and Heiji!" she said frantically. Megure froze.

"What happened to them?" he asked.

"Well we don't know exactly," Kazuha said quietly. "I don't know how long ago it was but I got a call from my dad, at least I thought it was my dad at the time, and he said to go to the airport and he's pick up Heiji and I. We fell asleep and then when I woke up, one of they guys that kidnapped Heiji before was there and Heiji was knocked out on the ground. Then one of the guys sprayed something in my face and I fell asleep."

"Ran when was the last time you saw Shinichi?" Megure asked.

"It was that same day. I told Shinichi Kazuha and Heiji had left and he got this weird look on his face and told me to take me to the airport because he had a bad feeling. When we got there a woman said Kazuha and Heiji had been taken by two men in black and we went out to the car to go to the police station and I felt something in the back of my neck and the last thing I saw was Shinichi looking back at me to see if I was okay," Ran said.

"It sounds like whoever got them the first time got them again," Kogoro said.

"I doubt they'll wait this time though. They're probably already dead," Megure muttered.

"You two stay here. Don't move from this spot, do you hear me?" Kogoro ordered Ran and Kazuha.

"Yes dad," Ran whispered, avoiding his eyes.

"When I get back you two had better be here," he said. "I'm not kidding this time Ran. They could've killed you, and I won't have you putting yourself or Kazuha in danger."

"Yes dad," Ran repeated. Kogoro nodded, giving Ran a brief hug before departing. Kazuha scooted closer to shivering Ran and shared the blanket with her. Ran said nothing but smiled thankfully at Kazuha.

"It'll be okay Ran," Kazuha whispered. Ran just nodded. She wasn't sure.

---

Four days later, there had been no clue to where the men in black had taken Shinichi and Heiji. They'd searched endlessly, but they couldn't find any clue or hint to lead them in the right direction.

"Why?" Ran asked her father. "Why is it always Shinichi?"

"I don't know, Ran," Kogoro answered gruffly. "I just don't know."

"It isn't fair! What did he do wrong to deserve this? What did Heiji do wrong to deserve it?" she asked tearfully.

"Things happen Ran. Everything happens for a reason," Kogoro said. She was silent for a while, but looked up at Kogoro with tears running down her cheeks.

"Why couldn't it have been someone else?" she whispered.

"I don't know Ran. Everything happens for a reason," he repeated. "Things happen because they're supposed to."

"It isn't fair," she whispered.

"I know Ran, and it never will be," Kogoro said offhandedly.

Heizo had been told of course. He was not happy. Not happy at all. He hadn't slept since he'd found out. Mr. Toyama had never called Kazuha, they found out. It had all been a trap set to re-kidnap Heiji and Shinichi. And the trap had worked.

The organization must have been following. They seemed to know Shinichi would go looking if Heiji and Kazuha left suddenly. That made Ran nervous. She was always looking over her shoulder, as if she would see the men in black following her.

She and Kazuha didn't leave the house. They were confined to the Mouri house until the police could do something to make sure that the girls weren't followed. It was no simple task, since they didn't know where to start. Neither of the girls seemed to mind though.

"Ran, do you think they're okay?" Kazuha asked.

"I hope so," Ran whispered.

Ran hated feeling so helpless. Shinichi and Heiji were gone. And neither of them had told the girls anything about Conan or Arthur. Ran was worried. What could have happened to two eight year old children? She felt terrible she hadn't thought to ask, but she knew there was nothing she could do. Did Conan miss her? They had been so close.

And now everyone she loved was gone. Kogoro was at work, Conan was in hiding, Shinichi and Heiji had been kidnapped, and Kazuha was grieving. She as alone, she realized.

"Ran, I'm scared," Kazuha whimpered. Ran looked over at her friend.

"I am too," she said quietly. She pulled Kazuha into a hug and tried not to cry. "I am too."

Kazuha sobbed loudly.

There was nothing they could do. Nothing they could do that is, but hope.

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End Story: How I Feel

**Please see the sequel – _How It Goes_ – coming soon.**

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Well, there it is everybody. Hope you liked it! And keep an eye out for the sequel! And while you wait, please review to my Harry Potter story _- **Harry Potter and the Secrets Within** - _Which is what I'm currently working on my hardest.

**shiholover4869 **- You want more? Check out the sequel!

**harukatenohu** - I'll try

**kudo** - Well there's a definate sequel, and I have a nagging idea in the back of my head about another one after that!

**ladyneria **- ummmm...okay....scary

**Tant** - Yes, poor boys. But they'll be okay, promise!

**Masked** **Detective** - You're not dead yet, are you?

**Julie-chan** - They're not going to die! Not any time soon, anyway... ::Possible hint?:: But seriously, don't worry about them

**Firestorm2004** - No, I don't like to torture them...But it does make an interesting and suspensful story!

**serenity-touched** - YEs, Drama is a necessary factor, I agree

**kudo** - TWO kudo's? well anyway...It isn't going to b too too gory


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